


Heart, Cover Your Tracks

by Orchideous



Category: Koi Suru Bou-kun | The Tyrant Falls in Love
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, M/M, Original Character(s), Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-02-08 07:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12859923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orchideous/pseuds/Orchideous
Summary: In the train a few hours later, he couldn’t quite keep the tears at bay any longer. Their home. It could’ve been their home.





	1. Chapter 1

Maybe this was always meant to happen. 

He’d pushed and forced his way through the rigid barrier Souichi had built and tried to make a home for himself there. But it wasn’t going to be enough. It hurt in every conceivable way. His body. His mind. His heart.

_“Get a hold of your love filled brain!”_

He supposed he was lucky to have as long as he did, to hold Souichi and try to show him how much he meant, how much he had changed his outlook on love when the crushing temptation to give up was unbearable.

_“I’ve never once done it because I wanted to!”_

It had to stop, they couldn’t continue. _He_ couldn’t continue.

The love he’d cradled and protected and held onto with desperation was crumbling before his eyes and he could do nothing more than watch it slip away.

Even Souichi’s show of concern the following morning when he was shaken awake from the ball he’d made on the floor of the school’s laboratory, was not enough. It might have been once. But his heart couldn’t take the unrequited inevitability of their relationship. He wanted more, he wanted commitment and a hand to hold and a heart to beat in tandem with his own.

_“Don’t wander around! Stay where I know you are!”_

That afternoon and well into the evening, he went against Souichi’s wish and packed all his belongings.

His bedroom boxed up and two bags clutched in either hand, he cast a glance around the place he’d called home.

In the train a few hours later, he couldn’t quite keep the tears at bay any longer.

Their home. It could’ve been _their_ home.

 

* * *

Five years later

* * *

 

 

“Tetsuhiro! Meeting in five.” Kaoru, the new intern, rapped his knuckles on the door. Tetsuhiro nodded with a brief smile from his place behind the desk and took the opportunity to stretch in his seat. A meeting was a welcome change from the paperwork that had piled up and seemingly multiplied on its own.

Instead of tackling his next project, he let the quiet of the office settle around him. His office mate had been sent abroad to one of their newer firms and Tetsuhiro knew once he returned, it would be difficult to share the space again.

He glanced down at his new watch, a birthday present from his boyfriend, and stood up with a groan. It was nearing the end of the day and he wanted to make this meeting as brief as possible, food on his mind.

As he left his office for the meeting, Kaoru sidled up alongside him.

“Any idea what this is about?” Tetsuhiro asked as they walked.

“Boss said something about a new team coming in to help with the next project.”

Tetsuhiro wasn’t too surprised. The company was growing and acquiring an outsiders perspective was a good way to help the expansion. “Huh, must be big if they need help.” He said, sitting in a chair close to the exit. Perhaps Gabe had gotten home early and made them dinner.

The manager of their department, Mr. Tsukuda, entered the room a few moments later when most of the team had sat down.

“Alright team, as you know we’ve been focusing our efforts on a relatively small scale. With the new international firm opening, we have to look at the larger picture. Our team is cohesive and knowledgeable but for this to work we need fresh eyes. So, starting tomorrow, you’ll be working one on one with a counterpart tailored to your specialty. Some of these guys are fresh from university, others have been researching for years, but I’ve been assured they are willing to learn and cooperate.”

Tetsuhiro raised his eyebrows as did some of the rest of his colleagues. They’d had outside people come in to help but one on one? With each of them?

Mr. Tsukuda stepped backward slightly to peek around the corner of the door and nodded to someone they couldn’t see.

“They seem ready now, come on in. Welcome!”

Tetsuhiro stood with the rest of his team, eyes flitting between each new face. He opened his mouth to make the first introduction when he froze, heart in his throat.

For a dizzying and breathless moment, he was transported back in time as fiery eyes looked up and burned through his own.

Though his hair was cut shorter and an unfamiliar suit fit snugly around his figure, it was impossible to mistake this man for anyone else.

”-to. And finally, this is Souichi Tatsumi.”

 

* * *

 

He could hear people talking around him but it sounded far away and muted. He wasn’t sure he was even breathing because...Souichi. He was _here_ at his company, in his city, and watching him with a guarded but equally stunned expression.

God. His eyes were exactly the same.

A pressure on his shoulder forced him out of Souichi’s gravity, the blood rushing in his ears clearing slowly. He realized with some embarrassment that he must have been staring for quite some time because Kaoru and his boss were looking at him with concern.

“I-I’m sorry.” His voice rasped and he coughed, falling into a more professional air. He forced his legs to move the five steps towards Souichi and held out a hand he hoped wasn’t obviously shaking.

Souichi seemed to come out of his own daze and took his hand. “Morinaga.” He pitched in a low voice. Just hearing his name again from Souichi’s own lips was enough to make his breath hitch. The whole thing felt completely surreal.

He tried to smile and nodded. “Senpai.”

For the first time since Souichi had entered the room, an actual flicker of emotion spread across his face. But before he could pinpoint what it was, Tetsuhiro’s hand was dropped quickly and he looked away. “It’s not appropriate for you to call me that anymore.”

Mr. Tsukuda cleared his throat beside them, evidently having watched the exchange with confusion. “I’m sorry, have you two met before?”

“We were kohai and senpai at university together.” Tetsuhiro offered more confidently than he felt. He was still at work, this was a job, and he could keep being professional. It had been five years after all.

“Oh, well good. It should be nice for you to see a friendly face Morinaga.” Mr. Tsukuda said. “Come and meet your new partner for the next month.” Tetsuhiro was pulled away and Souichi pulled in the opposite direction and that it seemed, was that.

Yuuki, his assigned partner, was nice enough and very intelligent. Tetsuhiro concentrated hard on what he was saying as they walked back to his office. He would not allow his mind to wander. He had spent the good part of the last five years getting rid of anything that could remotely reminded him of Souichi and that painstaking work wasn’t going to be overturned in one brief meeting.

Thirty long minutes later, he was free to go home. He waved goodbye to Yuuki and several other coworkers as they passed by his office. He pretended to busy himself with paperwork to give the illusion of working late and when he was sure everyone was gone, he turned off the light and took the stairs.

He told himself it wasn’t because he was avoiding Souichi.

 

* * *

 

After a restless night, he turned up to work the following morning with a huge cup of coffee and butterflies in his stomach. Taking in a deep breath as he pushed the correct floor in the elevator, he reminded himself for what had to be the hundredth time of what today would entail.

-Go over the new data analysis with Yuuki.

-Make sure Kauro was finishing up his assigned tasks

-Call boyfriend after his meeting.

-Finish up some overdue paperwork. 

- **Do not under any circumstances talk to or about Souichi.**

Tetsuhiro kept his eyes resolutely forward, mumbling the list to himself under his breath, and finally reached the safety of his office.

He practically fell inside the door, breathing a little too quickly from the exertion, and smiled. Okay. Arrived without incident, right on schedule. He strode forward to set the coffee down on his desk, almost spilling it on his new tie as someone tapped his shoulder.

Of course it could only be Souichi that stood behind him with a stack of paperwork in his arms. He raised an unimpressed eyebrow as Tetsuhiro steadied his drink in one hand and tried to figure out what to do with his mouth as he was handed the stack.

“You look like hell.” Souichi remarked as his eyes flit over his face. He must see the dark rings that were surely under his eyes from lack of sleep.

Tetsuhiro’s brain unhelpfully switched off and he couldn’t think of a single intelligent response. Instead, he shrugged and took the papers.

Souichi looked like he was waiting for some sort of comment or greeting or something a normal human being would say at this point. But Tetsuhiro couldn’t bring himself to say anything that wasn’t breaking his own rules.

Thankfully Yuuki interrupted with a tap to the frame of his doorway.

“Morning, Morinaga. Tatsumi.”

Tetsuhiro cleared his throat. “Good morning Yuuki.”

Souichi snapped his head in Tetsuhiro's direction, a look he couldn’t quite identify gracing his features, before grunting in response and turning away. His stomach twisted miserably.

Well, technically he didn’t talk to Souichi.

Yuuki chuckled and followed Tetsuhiro into the office. “That Tatsumi, I swear. Only way I ever get a word out of him is if we’re talking about research results.” They take their respective seats and Tetsuhiro let out a weak laugh. Yuuki pointed to him, furrowing his eyebrows. “You know each other right?”

“From school.” Tetsuhiro answered shortly. He tried to steer the conversation away from Souichi. “How are you liking Osaka?”

“It’s really beautiful here. Might go to the Snow Blossom festival with the wife and kids.” Yuuki began to sift through the paperwork Souichi had given him. “I mean, Tatsumi’s beyond brilliant and everything, but it makes me wonder how he gets away with it at home. My wife’s always trying to get me talk.”

Tetsuhiro leaned forward. “Wait. What do you mean?”

“Hmm? His fiance Naomi?” Yuuki said as if the information wasn’t making the world tilt dangerously. Tetsuhiro found he couldn’t breath as easily as before. “I thought you two were old friends?”

Swallowing with difficulty, he cleared his throat. “We...haven’t talked in awhile.”

Yuuki seemed oblivious to his internal struggle and mercifully began talking about the project.

Tetsuhiro concentrated as well as he could manage, his brain still trying to process what he’d just heard. Souichi was going to marry someone. It wasn’t like he hadn’t considered that Souichi would move on or create new relationships but...he couldn’t even fathom it.

He idly wondered what else had changed in the last five years. But then, he had no right to be disappointed with the news. He was the one who decided to leave. He nodded to a question Yuuki asked and clenched his hands under the desk. He could not regret his decision now.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day passed slowly. Thankfully, Souichi had stayed in the laboratory on another floor and didn't cross paths with Tetsuhiro again.

When it was nearing dinnertime, Tetsuhiro volunteered to stay behind to sort some paperwork.

“You sure? There’s quite a lot. Might take up to an hour.” Yuuki said, wrapping a scarf around his neck.

Tetsuhiro smiled encouragingly. “I don’t mind.”

“See you tomorrow!”

 

It didn't take too long to sort through and by the time he’d finished, he was hungry enough to try the new restaurant nearby. Plus, he was sure everyone else had gone home already.

He braced himself against the chilly winter air as he left and made for the train station a few blocks away.

“Oi! Morin-Testuhiro!” A voice stopped him in his tracks and his eyes widened as Souichi walked briskly over to him.

He looked freezing and Tetsuhiro’s admonishment died on his tongue. Had Souichi been waiting this whole time?

“H-hello.” He greeted, wondering if it would be rude to just continue on his way home. 

But Souichi was so familiar and the crease in his eyebrows had only deepened, his hair illuminated by the streetlights above. It was difficult to look away from a sight he thought he’d never see again.

Souichi shuffled in place, hands deep in his pocket. “Are you hungry?” He asked unexpectedly.

Tetsuhiro hesitated, willing his grumbling stomach to stay quiet.

He opened his mouth to answer but Souichi must've anticipated a rejection when he quickly added, “I would like it if we could get dinner.” He paused. “To catch up.”

Tetsuhiro cast around wildly for some sort of excuse. His boyfriend was busy tonight. He was quite hungry. And, ashamed though he was to admit it, he was desperate to know more about Souichi’s life.

“I don’t know if that’s...I mean I don’t think...” Tetsuhiro started. His voice sounded brittle even to him.

Souichi’s confident stance broke a little and he glanced away with a distinctly disappointed expression and something twisted uncomfortably inside Tetsuhiro.

“Dinner would be good.”

 

* * *

 

In another time, in another life, Souichi would’ve stormed ahead of him, picked the first restaurant they’d find with a decent menu, plop himself down and order too much alcohol. But the man before him sipped at his water mildly and waited patiently until Tetsuhiro had decided what he wanted before signaling the waiter.

“No beer after a long day at work?” Tetsuhiro commented after the waiter left them. Souichi shrugged, staring into his glass like it offended him.

“I suppose I like to be a little clearer in the head nowadays.”

Whatever that was supposed to mean, Tetsuhiro mused though he stopped the thought before it could blossom. People stopped drinking for many different reasons.

There was a stiff silence. Souichi’s eyes kept flicking between him and to a point above his left shoulder where he assumed a television screen was. Tetsuhiro shifted uncomfortably. He was sure he wasn’t the only one feeling awkward. As if they weren’t entirely sure how to be around each other anymore.

It made him sad to think Souichi had had half a decade to forget the nuances of their relationship.

“How long have you worked for this company?” Souichi’s voice cut through the quiet.

Tetsuhiro cleared his throat. “About 2 years. I enjoy it.”

“And...have you always lived here?”

Tetsuhiro heard the real question underneath the indifferent tone. Souichi wanted to know if this was where he’d been hiding for five years.

He nodded and took another sip of water for something to do. He broached for a safer subject. “How’s Kanako?”

“She has a boyfriend now.” Souichi grumbled and folded his arms. Tetsuhiro couldn’t help it, he let out a laugh.

“How is that possible with you as her brother?”

Souichi sighed. “He was the only one that didn’t run away.”

Tetsuhiro laughed again. He felt good, better. The tension that had settled on his shoulders and at the base of his neck was softening. Souichi, though he still looked annoyed, seemed to feel it too, relaxing a little more in his chair.

When their food finally arrived, Tetsuhiro had regaled Souichi with the grander details of his life. Souichi listened with notable interest. For his part, Tetsuhiro could listen to the man across from him ramble about science and his work in the laboratory forever. It had always been something of a spectacle witnessing a person like Souichi speak so passionately.

The people who knew, though they could counted on one hand, never understood why he had chosen Souichi of all people. But watching him in that moment, so animated and alive and passionate about what he cared for, he felt a familiar flood of affection for him.

The topics never veer into uncharted territory, staying just safe enough to keep up the polite air around their table.

It was as he was watching Souichi pay the bill (on his insistence) that he really stopped to observe him. Souichi didn't seem unhappy per say, just content. He radiated a sort of calm that Tetsuhiro would have never associated with him when they’d known each other.

Souichi’s eyes found his and blinked in confusion at the attention. Tetsuhiro smiled faintly and moved to stand up.

This fiance, whoever she was, had managed the one thing that Tetsuhiro could never do: Souichi was _settled_.

 

Tetsuhiro wrapped his coat a little closer around his chest as they made their way outside and checked his phone. Unsurprisingly, it was quite late and four unread texts from his boyfriend lit up the screen. He tapped out a quick response letting him know he’d call him when he got back to his apartment.

Souichi waited patiently a respectable distance from him, hands deep in his pocket against the chill of the night breeze.

“Sorry it’s so late.” Souichi said, looking almost a little guilty himself.

Tetsuhiro shook his head. “No it’s fine. I just had to...text someone.” It was the first time, he'd realized, that they’d referenced a significant other and it felt...strange. “Thank you for dinner.”

Souichi nodded distractedly, and rocked backwards on his feet in a nervous tick. He was watching Tetsuhiro again like he expected him to continue.

The urgency to apologize came out of nowhere. The calls he'd ignored, the multiple numbers he had had to change near the beginning, the way in which he'd up and left without a proper goodbye. Tetsuhiro felt pinned by Souichi’s gaze and he almost, _almost_ let his thoughts slip into the cool air between them.

It was a drunken group of businessmen making their way out of the bar next to the restaurant that saved him, jerked him out of his stupor and helped to collect his thoughts.

“Well...good-night. Souichi.” Tetsuhiro said over the chorus of loud men. “Guess I’ll see you on Monday."

Souichi opened his mouth, eyes a little wider than before, and sighed. He looked conflicted. “Good-night.”

Tetsuhiro was a few steps turned in the other direction when he could have sworn he heard his name softly mumbled behind him.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, you! I was getting worried.”

Tetsuhiro sunk into the couch and pulled the phone away from his ear to put it on speaker. “Sorry, sorry. Guess I put my phone on silent and forgot.”

He could hear Gabe chuckle a little under his breath. “You’re like an old man sometimes. So, what was so enthralling that it made you forget about little old me?”

Tetsuhiro winced. It was a little too close to the truth.

“Oh just an old friend from university. They brought in a team from where I used to live to help out with that project I told you about.” He hoped his voice sounded nonchalant enough.

“Wow! That’s definitely a coincidence. Maybe we should have him over for dinner one of these days.”

Already piling up Souichi’s fake excuses in his head, Tetsuhiro agreed, knowing that the two worlds would never collide if he could help it.

“You okay?” Gabe asked.

“Huh?”

“You just sound a little off. Do you need me to come over? I can look at these clients cases later.”

Tetsuhiro was reminded of just how lucky he was having met Gabe. After Souichi, he stayed clear of the dating scene. One night stands proved more unfulfilling than they had when he was in his early 20's. That is, until a tall, dirty blonde, lawyer walked into his new regular bar. Maybe it was the way he demanded dinner before anything else or the attractive hint of an Italian accent under his Japanese, but Tetsuhiro took to him immediately.

For the first time in a relationship, he hadn't been the first one to utter those three words. And it had felt good. To be wanted and loved unabashedly.

He smiled into the phone and hoped his words resonated. “I’m okay. Just a long day.” He paused. “I love you.”

 

* * *

 

He had just plugged in his phone and settled into bed when a text message illuminated the darkened room. It was from an unknown number and he almost ignored it. He was ashamed at how his heart skipped as he read.

_Got your number from a colleague. It was nice to see you again._

There was no doubt who it was from. He hoped, as he drifted off, that leaving it unanswered would help him sleep.

It didn't.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Wednesday, July 26, 11:20 PM**

_I’m staying at Matsuda’s_

 

**Monday, July 31, 3:31 PM**

_You shouldn’t skip classes like this. Idiot._

 

**Thursday, August 3, 1:27 PM**

_I’m coming back tonight to pick up a few things. Just letting you know._

 

**9:45 PM**

_HEY IDIOT?! You think this is a game?? I told you not to fucking leave with no explanation._

 

**9:48 PM**

_Don’t fucking ignore me!!! Where did you go??_

 

**9:51 PM**

_This is bullshit! Just come home already!_

 

**10:30 PM**

_How do I know you’re not lying in a ditch somewhere?_

**10:35 PM**

I’m sorry Senpai. This is something I need to do. I’m safe. Please don’t contact me again.

 

**10:37 PM**

_You can’t be serious?? Mori!_

**10:44 PM**

_Pick up your phone dammit!_

**10:56 PM**

_Don’t leave. Please._

 

 

**Tuesday, December 2nd**

**1:14 AM**

_Got your number from a colleague. It was nice to see you again._

 

 

The message stared tauntingly back at him. It hadn't magically disappeared overnight much to his dismay. The only rational thing to do would be to delete the message.

His finger reached out and hesitated. The number, he realized, was Souichi's old phone. In 5 years, he hadn't changed a thing. Tetsuhiro was the one who was different.

He was so lost in thought that when Gabe's text vibrated and illuminated his phone, he jumped.

 

**Gabe**

**7:12 AM**

_Hey babe! Don't forget you need to leave early tonight for our dinner :)_

 

Tetsuhiro typed back a few kisses in confirmation and took a mental note to ask his boss for the permission.

He shouldn't be thinking about last night's mediocre food. Or the flashy commercials on the screen behind him. Or the company he kept.

He tapped the screen a few times and deleted the number along with the message. It helped to remind him why he was doing all this in the first place.

 

* * *

 

“Tatsumi and Morinaga. You're paired today down in the lab.”

Tetsuhiro glanced over to his left to find Souichi already nodding. He wondered how professional it would be to let his head fall and smack on the table in front of them.

Souichi's original partner had had to leave unexpectedly for Nagoya and wouldn't be returning. Of course Tetsuhiro was the only other one in the office that had actual experience working in a lab.

The entire thing felt too surreal. Walking into work that morning, he had half expected Souichi not to be there, the night before an illusion.

Maybe he was making a bigger deal out of their dinner than it was. Maybe it was just two people reconnecting after 5 years. Maybe he just had to let go of the nasty habit of assuming Souichi's feelings.

Souichi obediently stood and headed down the hall to the stairwell. Tetsuhiro followed behind and glared down at his feet. So much for keeping his distance at work. Now it would be near impossible to ignore him in such close quarters.

 

* * *

 

There was a sterile smell in the air and a quiet atmosphere as Souichi unlocked the door leading to the lab. It was old and familiar and wonderful.

“When's the last time you were down here?” Souichi asked quietly, as he watched him from a few feet away. Tetsuhiro startled and realized what he had been thinking must've shown on his face.

He turned to Souichi with a gentle smile. “Honestly, I can't even remember. Maybe my first week on the job during orientation” He stepped forward towards the workbench and glided a finger across the smooth surface. Souichi was still watching him, a concentrated gaze. “I can't complain though. I chose an office job and that's been great but...I do miss it.”

Souichi stared for a few more seconds, Tetsuhiro's cheeks lightly warmed under the scrutiny before he turned to shrug on a lab coat.

Tetsuhiro squeezed his eyes shut as Souichi began moving equipment around behind him. He'd love some distance, a moment to settle himself again. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to be under Souichi's full attention. It was overwhelming and he felt paralyzed.

“Ready?” Souichi asked him, holding up a list describing their duties for the day. Tetsuhiro nodded though he had never felt less ready for anything in his life. They got to work.

For all the dread he'd felt being forced into doing this again, they fell back into a familiar and easy rhythm. He noticed quite quickly that although Souichi designated the tasks and set about prepping the lab, there was an undeniable shift in their dynamic. He knew it shouldn't have filled him with so much pride that they are no longer kohai and senpai, but it did. He liked that Souichi treated him as an equal. For the first time in their relationship, they were almost...balanced. There was no pull of power between either of them, no tangled mess of emotions. It felt comfortable.

As it neared the end of the day and Tetsuhiro had almost finished cleaning up, he glanced up at the clock for the second time in a minute. He needed to leave soon and though he had already cleared it with his boss, he had to tell Souichi.

“I'm leaving earlier today.” He said in the hope it would come off nonchalant.

“Okay.”

“Remember that the door locks automatically so please don't leave until you're ready.”

“Yes.”

Tetsuhiro hesitated in packing away his things, looking at Souichi's careful form over the microscope. He didn't know why he had the urge to justify his leaving but he pushed it aside to head for the door.

“Nice work today.” Souichi said, still peering through the microscope.

Tetsuhiro paused with his hand on the doorknob and glanced over his shoulder. “Thanks. You too.”

Souichi's eyes raised a little to meet his but said nothing more. Tetsuhiro pushed the door open and leaned against the wall of the hallway, his chest feeling heavier than it should.

 

* * *

 

At dinner that night with the soft glow of the candle between them, Gabe reached over and rubbed circles on Tetsuhiro's knuckles.

“I think we should move in together.” Gabe said.

They'd been together for a year, it wasn't a ludicrous idea. So why, as he turned their hands over and their fingers linked lightly together, did he feel like he was agreeing just to please someone else?

 

* * *

 

He arrived to work the following morning in a breathy mess.

“Hey, not like you to be late.” Kauro said as he stepped inside. “You left early yesterday right? Long night?”

Tetsuhiro rolled his eyes at his suggestive tone. “Maybe. And maybe you shouldn't be talking about such things at...how old are you? 18?”

Kauro feigned offense with a hand to his chest. “How dare you! I'm 20. I know all about loving the ladies.”

Tetsuhiro raised an eyebrow.

“Well that's definitely not what I was doing.”

“Ladies, dudes, what's the difference? As long as they're hot. And I've _seen_ Gabe. So my question holds: Long night?”

“Ya know what? That's not really something I want to discuss with someone-”

“You two done?”

They both turned to see Souichi leaning against the door frame, arms crossed and looking increasingly irritated.

Tetsuhiro's breath caught in his throat. How much did he hear of their conversation? Judging by how stiff his stance was, too much.

“Oh hey Tatsumi-kun! Why aren't you down at the lab yet? You've been here for almost half an hour.”

Souichi tilted his head slowly to the side. “Someone has our only key.”

Tetsuhiro winced and felt around for it in his pocket. “Ah. Sorry Senp-Souichi. Let's head down now.”

But Souichi has already turned away, setting a brisk pace down the hall.

“Hmm, he's not a morning person I take it.” Kauro said, unaware of the tension between them.

Tetsuhiro sighed and adjusted his bag on his shoulder. “Something like that.”

 

* * *

 

He figured it was only a matter of time before they'd be fighting again. In the past, it was Souichi who supplied the cold shoulder and Tetsuhiro who received the brunt of it. He'd end up begging for forgiveness for whatever he'd done and there would be peace for awhile. That is, before he inevitability angered him again and the cycle would continue like clockwork.

But after the initial shock of Souichi listening in on his sex life subsided, he found himself questioning why he should be feeling guilty at all. He was an adult and surely it shouldn't surprise Souichi that he was having sex with his boyfriend. If Souichi was going to act immature and passive aggressively ignore him, well then so could he.

It was a stiff silence that settled over the lab that day. Souichi was obviously trying to ignore him: averting his eyes whenever he got too close, placing the research on the table instead of handing it to him. It was petty and bitter and...well a very Souichi thing to do. But he had no reason to succumb to that sort of behavior anymore and so he went about his business professionally.

Tetsuhiro walked out of the lab without a backward glance as the clock struck noon and headed for the cafeteria. He told himself he didn't care if Souichi followed him or not.

He filled up a tray of food and sat with his former partner and a few other colleagues.

“Hey Morinaga-kun! Long time no see.” Yuuki said, pulling a chair out next to him.

Tetsuhiro took the seat gratefully and shrugged. “The lab is just two floors down but it may as well be in another building.”

Yuuki chuckled lightly as Kauro sat down with them, brandishing a wad of colorful fliers in their faces excitedly.

“Check it out! The Snow Blossom Festival is this weekend!”

Tetsuhiro placed a hand on his arm and lowered it. “Maybe try not to poke our eyes out in the process, Kauro.”

Kauro rolled his eyes but did settle down in his seat. “Sorry, it's just this would be the first time I've gone. I heard the food stalls are amazing!”

Tetsuhiro nodded distractedly. “They are pretty good.”

“So you've been? Are you going this year? Could you show me and my girlfriend around?” Kauro blabbered on excitedly, progressively rising higher and higher in his seat.

Hoshi reached up from his where he sat and shoved him back down. “Calm down, Kauro. Tetsuhiro has better things to do than babysit you and your girlfriend. I'm sure he wants to take Gabe this year and doesn't need you hanging off him.”

Tetsuhiro smiled and shrugged. “It might be nice. We need a break.” His good mood vanished as he saw Souichi enter through the main door, cursing the way their eyes locked immediately. He looked away without an acknowledgment.

Hoshi looked behind him and then back at Tetsuhiro. “So...how's it going with Tatsumi-kun? Every time I've spoken to him it's hard to get two words out of him.”

Tetsuhiro opened his mouth to respond but he was interrupted with a laugh to his right.

“Don't you know Hoshi-kun, Tetsuhiro and Souichi are old friends.” Kauro said, looking quite proud he was privy to that knowledge. Tetsuhiro rolled his eyes.

Hoshi's eyebrows raised in surprise. “Really?”

“From university.” Tetsuhiro said bluntly and continued eating as if the conversation bored him. He really wished it would stop.

Hoshi looked flabbergasted and his cheeks were red. “I'm very sorry, I didn't realize.”

Tetsuhiro gave a small smile. “He's always been like that so don't take it personally.”

Kauro, ever unobservant, hummed in thought. “Maybe we should invite him to sit? I know he eats by himself in the lab.”

Tetsuhiro's heart beat a little faster and he readied himself to argue against that idea when Hoshi came to his rescue.

“Leave him be, Kauro.”

“But...”

“Kauro.”

“Fine. You guys are no fun.” Kauro wiped his mouth and gathered his empty tray. “Anyone want anything for dessert? Forgot to grab some.”

As the others placed their orders, Souichi passed by their table with his usual indifferent air. He thought he saw a flit of something colorful in Souichi's left hand but when he looked again, it was gone.

 

* * *

 

Gabe clung to his arm, eagerly pointing to various stands as they passed by. Tetsuhiro's nose and ears were pink with cold but the warmth of Gabe and the coffee in his hand provided that coziness the festival had always inspired. The event had grown quite well in the 5 years he'd lived in Osaka. This year it had taken up root in the shopping district and every street corner was filled with steaming foods, hot chocolate stands, and winter crafts.

“Hey so I was thinking, we should probably talk about whose apartment we're going to live in.” Gabe said, gazing up at him with a cheeky smile.

Tetsuhiro laughed, nudging him with his shoulder. “Are you kidding? With the view from yours? I thought that would be a given.”

Gabe squeezed his arm lightly. “I knew you were only in it for the apartment.” Tetsuhiro shrugged in response and Gabe rested his chin on his shoulder. “You won't miss yours? Even a little?”

It had been a temporary home, something he'd moved into because it was the first available that was somewhat near his job. He remembers sitting in the middle of the floor where his couch now sat, crying until he physically couldn't anymore.

He hadn't intended to stay for very long but life just started moving too fast and suddenly it was 5 years later and he still hadn't bothered to make a change. He wondered if, had Gabe not asked, whether he would've taken that step to living together. The last time he'd lived with someone, it had torn him apart.

Tetsuhiro replaced the smile on his face and shook his head, letting that thought sit firmly in the back of his mind. “Nah. It would get pretty lonely.” He looked down at Gabe's upturned face. He could plainly see the love there. It wasn't something he was ever going to be used to, the sort of ease that came with having a partner like Gabe.

“Won't have to worry about that anymore.” Gabe said softly, as if proving his point.

“No, I won't.” Tetsuhiro replied and he leaned down to kiss him. When they parted, he reached up to readjust Gabe's hat who laughed and slapped his hands away before continuing on their way.

That was, of course, when they ran into Souichi. It was almost comical the way they both stopped short, staring at each other and then to their respective partners. The woman lightly clinging to his arm, an armful of plum blossoms in the other, looked up at Souichi with confusion.

“Souichi.”

“Tetsuhiro.”

An elbow nudged pointedly into his side and he coughed, putting an arm around Gabe's back. Souichi glared at the action and Tetsuhiro was reminded that their little feud was still happening.

“Oh sorry, Gabe this is Souichi Tatsumi. We used to study together in university.”

“Nice to meet you! How crazy that you happened to be at this festival? And so far away from Nagoya?” Gabe exclaimed, moving forward to take Souichi's hand. Souichi still looked rather stunned and nodded slightly in their direction, taking the hand reluctantly.

Tetsuhiro cleared his throat. “Actually, Souichi is helping with that project. The big one I told you about?”

“Oh yes of course. You're the elusive friend. Well welcome! And this must your...”

The woman beside Souichi smiled gently, waiting patiently for an introduction. She was rather beautiful, her long black hair tied up neatly in a ponytail where the ends curled slightly from the chill. Tetsuhiro tried to ignore the churning of his stomach and the uncomfortable heat that had bloomed in his chest. So...this was the fiance. The one that had somehow convinced Souichi to settle down.

“This is Mai.” Souichi said in a flat tone. He looked entirely uncomfortable and crossed his arms, Mai's arm slipping from his in the process. It didn't seem to deter her, in fact she rolled her eyes affectionately, like it was something that happened often and she merely found it amusing.

“Hi, lovely to meet you both. I've heard a lot about you Morinaga-kun.” Mai said with just the right amount of politeness and coy. “All good things I assure you.” She tilted her head slightly as she spoke, as if she was making a joke, eyes lingering on Tetsuhiro's just a tad longer than was normal.

Tetsuhiro shifted uncomfortably, squeezing Gabe tighter to him. He wondered how much she knew. What had Souichi told her? Surely not everything.

He felt the welling of something in his chest. It was too much. He knew of a fiance but seeing her on his arm, the picture perfect couple, was much more difficult than he could've imagined. It wasn't jealousy he felt, it was something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. He'd loved Souichi with his entire being and yet this woman, for the mere fact she was a woman, was the one who wore the sparkling engagement ring on her finger.

Having Gabe still beside him, a warm reminder of just how far he'd come, was what he'd wanted his entire life.

Tetsuhiro gathered himself as much as he could and smiled politely. “Well we wouldn't want to take up more of your time.” Hoping to make a quick getaway, he moved with his arm still behind Gabe's back and propelled them to the side.

Gabe slowed his walk, giving Tetsuhiro a strange look. “Actually, it would be nice if we could all walk around together! I haven't really met anyone from Tetsuhiro's past.”

Mai nodded enthusiastically, delicately taming a stray hair that had fallen into her eyes. “Yes! That's a wonderful idea! Souichi?”

She nudged his side, much like Gabe had done to him not too long ago, and Souichi shrugged, hands deep in his pocket. She smiled as if that was answer enough.

“He says he'd love to.”

 

* * *

 

Unfortunately, Gabe and Mai had taken to each other too well. They insisted on sampling every food stall on the street and gave Tetsuhiro and Souichi the task of finding a table as they skipped off.

Which is how they found themselves sitting awkwardly next to each other on a bench seat not too far from the festivities.

“So that's your...” Souichi started. Tetsuhiro glanced at him and noticed just how stiff he was sitting, fists clenched at his sides. Apparently Souichi had decided his silent treatment was over.

Tetsuhiro sighed, suddenly very tired. “Boyfriend yes.”

“How long have you two...” Souichi asked after a few moments had passed.

“About a year.”

Tetsuhiro watched a mother braid a plum blossom into her daughter's hair at the florist stand. He had a vision of Mai playfully doing the same to Souichi's long hair. Suddenly, the food Gabe would insist he eat didn't seem as appetizing.

Souichi still looked angry and Tetsuhiro sighed. “Look, I'm happy you found someone, Souichi. I hope you know I've only ever wanted you to be happy.” The words hurt to say but they were true. That's all he'd ever wanted for Souichi. He'd just realized too late that he wasn't the one that was going to make that happen.

“Really.” Souichi replied flatly, staring at his feet on the dewy grass.

“Yes, really.” Tetsuhiro insisted. Surely Souichi knew that. Before he could say anything further, he spotted Gabe waving a stick of chocolate covered marshmallows in their direction and he scooted over to make room.

Souichi didn't eat a thing.

 

* * *

 

“Apologies to you both but Souichi and I have to leave.” Mai said, gathering her purchases and standing gracefully.“It was lovely to meet you. Maybe you two could come round for dinner one of these nights?”

“You have my number right?” Souichi said, locking eyes with Tetsuhiro, challenging him to say no. They both knew he couldn't with an audience.

“Uh yes, yes I do.” Tetsuhiro said, slightly annoyed with being cornered. He didn't though, he'd deleted it for his own sanity but he wasn't about to give Souichi the satisfaction. 

He saw the side of Souichi's mouth lift as he turned around with Mai and walked in the opposite direction.

“Well...they were a very nice couple.” Gabe said at his side, a chocolate covered marshmallow placed in his hand.

Tetsuhiro didn't know if he could fault him.

 

* * *

 

“Pass me Agent B.”

Tetsuhiro paused, arm halfway through the sleeve of his lab coat. He had only just arrived and it was the most Souichi had spoken to him in almost a week of his time at work.

He mechanically passed over the small vial, making sure to avoid any brushing fingers, and took his place in front of the table.

Souichi had always run so hot and cold with him it was difficult to decipher whether they were still fighting or not. But with 5 years had come a hardened Tetsuhiro and he wasn't as prone to Souichi's influence as he had been once.

“How was the rest of the festival?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady. Souichi blinked in his direction, obviously not expecting him to speak. He cleared his throat.

“It was...fine.”

“Gabe and I went ice skating after you left. He's pretty good but I fall a lot. Had to hold his hand the whole time.” Tetsuhiro kept going, speaking as non-nonchalantly as possible. He didn't need to look at Souichi to know he had paused in his actions.

“His parents are thinking of coming here from Florence for Christmas. I haven't met them yet but they sound like very nice people.”

“Still struggling to get something for Gabe though, he's not that materialistic. Maybe something for the bedroom?”

Souichi slammed his hands down on their shared workspace, sending the vial he'd just been handed off the table. Neither heard it shatter to the tiles, both staring heatedly at each other.

“What is wrong with you!?” He yelled, his cheeks flushed and hands in fists. Tetsuhiro stood up straight with his arms crossed, determined not to feel badly at how much his little speech had affected Souichi.

“You do not get to do that again. You cannot decide you're uncomfortable with Gabe and I and our relationship and ignore me for as long as you want.” Souichi blinked in confusion before growling and looking away. Tetsuhiro continued, advancing slightly so Souichi was forced to look in his direction. “This is not going to be like last time. We've both moved on and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't give me the cold shoulder every time I bring him up.” He paused, the words spilling from him before he had a chance to stop them. “Some of us aren't ashamed of being who we are.”

It was crossing a line, he knew it was but it felt good to say aloud. Something he had always been afraid of broaching when they'd been together. Souichi seemed to come to the same conclusion as his jaw dropped and the blush spread to his neck and ears.

“No, you always had to shout it from the rooftops.” He spit back.

“What's wrong with that? Gabe doesn't care.”

Souichi made a noise of disbelief and threw up his hands.

“Do you really want to do this at work!?”

Tetsuhiro wasn't sure where he had wanted this conversation to even end up. He felt a little silly that he had even started because really, it was never going to end well. He had only intended to let Souichi know that he didn't have the same hold over him as before. Maybe he had gone a little overboard.

“No.” He relented, speaking in a much softer tone than before.

Souichi ran a frustrated hand through his hair and stepped backwards to his original position. They both heard a crunch of glass as he stepped on the shattered pieces of the vial. “Great.”

Tetsuhiro stubbornly went about his work, letting Souichi clean up the glass and liquid. It was while he was at the sink when he heard him curse and hiss in pain.

“Did you hurt yourself?” Tetsuhiro was by his side in an instant, looking at the blood on his thumb. He sighed, grabbing his wrist without thinking about it. Souichi flinched, hard, startled eyes meeting his own. Tetsuhiro dropped it immediately and stepped back “Sorry I'll just-”

“No it's...it's fine.” Souichi interrupted, eyes averted and cast down.

Tetsuhiro moved forward again, indicating to his hand. “Can I clean it?”

Souichi nodded and he gently held his wrist again holding it under the tepid water. It was the closest they had been and he could smell Souichi's shampoo, the same scent he'd worn so long ago. His hands too, his fingers were still long but thin and delicate. There wasn't much he could do about the phantom scratches grazing his back or the memory of Souichi's face tucked into his shoulder.

He inspected the cut when it was clean, making sure there were no small shards in it, and dabbed on the antihistamine, determined not to let his thoughts stray.

He had expected a flinch but when he glanced up at Souichi, he was watching him intently. Tetsuhiro flushed under the scrutiny, slowing his movements.

“She's a friend. Mai.” Souichi said suddenly. It took Tetsuhiro a while to process the words but when he did, he looked away, frowning.

“What like you and me were friends?” He said bitterly and winced. “I'm sorry, that was inappropriate.”

“No.” Souichi said. Tetsuhiro blinked at him, confused. The flush that had colored Souichi's face had returned and spread down his neck.

“Wait...No?” Tetsuhiro asked, his throat feeling tight and swallowed against it. “So you...never mind.”

“So I what?” Souichi pressed. It was like he _wanted_ Tetsuhiro to ask him.

This was going too far and he had to put a stop to it, even if the question burned the inside of his mouth. “It's nothing, Souichi.”

There was a silence, both lost in their own heads. The only noise was the soft sound of the cloth bandage being wrapped several times around Souichi's cut finger. If his hands were shaking a little more than was normal, neither of them thought to acknowledge it.

Tetsuhiro finished and hesitated before looking up at Souichi's eyes. There was something soft, something he couldn't quite identify there.

“Sorry. For...before.” Souichi said, low and steady.

Tetsuhiro blinked, forgetting for a moment what they had been fighting about in the first place. He let Souichi's hand fall from his and swallowed hard.

“Thank you."

 

* * *

 

“How's work going?” Gabe asked, his voice slightly crackling with the bad reception.

Tetsuhiro adjusted the phone against his ear, trying to balance the bags of shopping and the keys to his apartment. “Fine. Same old same old.” He unlocked the door with some effort and dropped the shopping in the entryway. “Why?”

“You just seem a little distracted lately.”

Tetsuhiro sighed. He felt badly. The way he'd left things with Souichi had put him at more unease than when they were fighting and he knew he was neglecting Gabe. “I'm sorry I haven't been coming around as often as I should. Just with this project-”

“I know, I know. I don't mean to make you feel guilty.” Gabe said, pausing. Tetsuhiro heard a hitch in his breath, like he had started to say something and then stopped. “How's your friend? Souichi?”

“He's fine.” Tetsuhiro said slowly. Souichi had been coming up a little too often in their conversations, all from Gabe's side, and he wasn't sure what exactly had prompted it. Gabe wasn't stupid but he also wasn't great at picking up on tension or signals. Surely he hadn't noticed anything in their brief meeting at the festival.

Still, he felt guilty for how often he decided he was too exhausted after a day at work to go over to Gabe's. Truthfully, he felt as if he was suffocating down in that lab and his only reprieve was coming home to silence. He didn't like how much Souichi was already affecting his life.

“You know what? You're right. I am distracted. This project is just so intensive I come home and can't de-stress in time for the next day. Do you want to go somewhere?”

Gabe responded a little slowly, cautious. “Somewhere?”

“Yea! A mini vacation. Anywhere you want.” Tetsuhiro said cheerfully, hoping that Gabe would latch onto the idea.

“Well I suppose we could go to Verona. One of my clients owes me a favor and he has a beautiful getaway there.” Gabe said after a little while, his voice pepping up a little at the thought.

“That sounds amazing. Maybe two weeks? Just you and me. Away from all this.” Tetsuhiro said. “We could even visit with your parents. I want to meet them.”

And just like that, they were heading to Italy. Tetsuhiro researched tickets while Gabe placed a call to his client and it seemed that everything was set.

Two weeks. Two whole weeks to get back to where they were.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your wonderful and encouraging comments!! Hope everyone has a wonderful New Year's and will see you in 2018 :)


	3. Chapter 3

Tetsuhiro had always regretted not traveling during his college years. He'd been so preoccupied maintaining decent grades and staying by Souichi's side that unless they were going together, he didn't see the point in leaving.

It was always his favorite time of day; when the sun had just set behind the buildings and soft, twinkling lights bathed the city in a romantic way he'd never imagined he'd see.

“I hate that we have to go back tomorrow.” A soft voice said in his ear as arms twisted around his middle. He allowed himself to lean back into the warmth and tried to memorize the view in front of him as much as he possibly could.

“Me too.” He agreed.

Their flight left early in the morning and it would be responsible to get some rest while they could. But even after Gabe left for bed, he stayed on the terrace much too late into the night and watched as light after light flickered and died.

 

* * *

 

He'd been ordered to his bosses office first thing upon his return and as he pushed the door open to the main floor, he was ambushed with clinging arms around his neck and curly red hair.

“Oof!” Tetsuhiro let out, momentarily off-kilter, until he realized who clung to him and rolled his eyes. “Nice to see you too, Kauro.”

“Where the hell have you been?!” Kauro exclaimed, pushing back roughly. Tetsuhiro was taken aback at just how serious and frustrated he looked. He readjusted his messenger bag on his shoulder awkwardly.

“I...I went on vacation with Gabe.” Tetsuhiro explained. “To Italy.” Kauro crossed his arms and pinned him with an uncharacteristic glare. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes. Who do you think had to help Tatsumi-kun in the lab for two weeks?” Kauro said.

Tetsuhiro winced and rubbed the back of his neck. “I'm sorry, Kauro. I didn't think.”

“Yea well, I guess as the intern, I'm just expendable.” Kauro grumbled and Tetsuhiro sighed.

“That's not true.” Tetsuhiro glanced down at his shoes, feeling guilty he'd left Kauro to deal with Souichi alone. “Really, I'm sorry Kauro, I didn't think it would affect you. I know it can be...a struggle to work with him but I thought he seemed a bit calmer than when I knew him in university.”

Kauro shrugged and began walking down the hall with Tetsuhiro alongside. He seemed to brighten a little at the apology and nudged his shoulder as they walked. “Well do everyone a favor and don't take any more vacation while he's here.”

“Why?

“He made our lives a living hell. How many times have you had to dodge a flying beaker?” Kauro said and it would've made Tetsuhiro laugh except, he really hadn't expected Souichi to act so...himself. He'd been so reserved and composed when he'd arrived and now it was like it was university all over again.

Tetsuhiro obediently knocked on the door to his bosses office, giving Kauro a pat to the back as he walked away, and entered.

“Ah Tetsuhiro, welcome back. I trust your holiday was enjoyable?” Mr. Tsukuda remarked as he sat down.

“Very much so, thank you sir.”

“I see you were speaking with Kauro. He wasn't exactly...thrilled with his temporary position down in the laboratory. Something about the chemicals making him dizzy.”

Tetsuhiro coughed pointedly. Kauro was such a terrible liar.

“Yes, he was telling me as much. I do apologize. I didn't realize my absence would affect the office so much.”

“Nothing to be done. You deserved a vacation, there's no doubt about that.” Mr. Tsukuda steepled his fingers and leaned on the desk between them. “Now, I know you were reassigned to the lab before you left but how would you feel if Kauro continued his position and you rejoined us up here?”

“Wha-really?” Tetsuhiro stuttered in surprise.

Mr.Tsukuda nodded. “It was only ever going to be temporary and though he complains, Kauro would do well to take this experience as another bullet point on his resume.”

Tetsuhiro hesitated. It would be the ideal situation. This way he'd minimize contact with Souichi and ride out the rest of his stay. He could move in with Gabe and they could redecorate and perhaps visit Italy again in the summer.

This was the opportunity he'd been waiting for.

But his tongue felt heavy and he couldn't properly form the words. Could he make peace with never seeing Souichi again now that he'd re-entered his life? The thought punched him in the stomach with a ferocity that made him feel physically sick.

 

* * *

 

“You think you can turn up at the end of the day and-” Souichi barked but stopped short when he saw who'd entered the lab.

Tetsuhiro closed the door behind him, feeling increasingly unsteady than when he'd walking down the stairs, and waved.

“Hi, Souichi.”

Souichi was surprised, that much was easy to tell. He looked exhausted and drained. There were darker circles under his eyes and his hair had obviously been messed with far too much that day as it stuck out at funny angles. Maybe it was his tiredness that let his guard down as he stared in open astonishment at Tetsuhiro's arrival.

He coughed a good ten seconds later, likely realizing he'd been staring and straightened his back with an attempt at his usual haughty air.

“You're back.”

Tetsuhiro nodded, leaning slightly against the door. It was almost the end of the day. He had been too busy filling out paperwork in the main office to even sit down for lunch. A lunch that Kauro had been all set to pay for as he'd almost cried when he'd heard he didn't have to continue working with Souichi.

“Yes.”

Souichi hadn't moved. “How long for this time?”

Tetsuhiro sighed, thinking of his boss' insistence that Kauro could handle the menial lab work. After all, he belonged upstairs with his colleagues. Right? “For the indefinite future.” He replied.

The sound of their coworkers voices grouped together walking towards the lobby indicated that the workday had ended and Tetsuhiro glanced unhelpfully towards the ceiling.

He had only intended to pop his head in and let Souichi know he was back. But he felt grounded and more comfortable than he ever had upstairs. What that said about _him_ , he wasn't sure.

Souichi stood rather abruptly, tearing off his lab coat and roughly shoving his things into his bag without a backwards glance to Tetsuhiro.

Tetsuhiro let out a small sigh and went to excuse himself, obviously Souichi didn't want to see him. He should've expected something like this after leaving for two weeks.

“Get a drink with me.” Souichi said.

Tetsuhiro froze with his hand pushed to the door. “I-” He stuttered, not expecting the invitation or the hesitancy to say no. “Would that be...a good idea?”

“Why wouldn't it be a good idea?” There was something alarming in his tone; like Tetsuhiro would sorely pay for the consequences if he didn't accept. It was an old trick and he reminded himself he didn't owe Souichi anything anymore.

But he wanted to know why Souichi had acted out in such an unprofessional way with his absence. He wanted to know how that behavior would ever be tolerated at home with his fiance.

“Well we-” He started but couldn't quite find the plausible excuse he was looking for. “Okay. Sure.”

 

* * *

 

They found a bar quite close to the train station so it wouldn't be difficult to find their way home. It was fairly quiet and had a humble atmosphere. They were surrounded by mostly other businessmen.

Tetsuhiro had originally made for the bar but Souichi had completely bypassed him to sit at a table in the corner of the room. It was an odd place for Souichi to pick as he usually liked his drinks to be in front of him as fast as possible.

It was only when the bartender placed a seltzer water in front of Souichi and a beer in front of Tetsuhiro that he remembered Souichi didn't seem to drink anymore. He avoided pointing it out as that would most likely lead to a conversation he'd rather not start.

Souichi seemed pensive and quiet as they drank, listening to the surrounding conversations and the news broadcast on the big-screen near the bar.

“How has work been-” Tetsuhiro started, just for something to say.

“Where did you go?” Souichi cut him off mid-sentence, staring down into the depths of his drink.

“Um...Italy.” Tetsuhiro responded.

“Why?”

Tetsuhiro shifted in his seat. He didn't expect them to get here so quickly. “I wanted a vacation.”

“I meant...why _now_?” Souichi said, glancing up from his glass and making it difficult to avoid his gaze. Tetsuhiro had never once thought of Souichi as stupid and it shouldn't be that much of a surprise to him that he'd figured out why he'd left.

“We needed to get away for awhile. Gabe and I.” Tetsuhiro said. It may not have been the whole truth but it was close enough that it didn't make him feel that guilty. “It's just something we felt we had to do. You're telling me you've never gone away with your...with Mai?”

It was difficult referencing her by name and not just _the fiance_. But he struggled through the words just enough to see Souichi tense, hard.

“No. We haven't.” Souichi stated shortly.

Tetsuhiro shifted uncomfortably. Was this why Souichi had brought him here? To get advice on his own relationship? It made him feel ill all over again.

“Well maybe...maybe you should try it. It really helps to be away from everything for a while.” He offered, taking a long sip of his beer and draining the lot of it.

Souichi scoffed like it was a ridiculous notion. “It wouldn't help.”

“Why not?” Tetsuhiro asked, genuinely curious.

Souichi went back to observing his drink. “It isn't the same thing.”

“You've said that before. Why isn't it the same?”

“It just...isn't.”

Tetsuhiro leaned back to allow the waitress to remove and replace his beer with another. When she left he rubbed at his temples. “Please don't tell me this is another, straight and gay relationships aren't on the same level thing. I really can't get into that again.”

“What? No! God, it's not like that. Idiot.” Souichi snapped, his voice raised to a point that a few patrons sitting near them glanced over. He seemed to remember himself and returned to a hushed tone. “Of course not.”

Tetsuhiro felt he had the right to be understandably confused. After all, wasn't this why he left their life together in the first place?

“Well then why? Why is it so different?” He asked, irritated that he was being made out to be the bad guy. But he immediately regretted the harshness of his tone as he watched Souichi shrink in on himself.

“I don't know what to do.” Souichi sounded uncharacteristically lost. He had moved to rest his forehead in the palm of his right hand and sighed heavily. It was so unlike Souichi that Tetsuhiro felt a great urge to reach over and comfort as well as he was able.

He dug his fingers where they rested on his thighs as hard as he could.

“I...I want to help Souichi. Even if it is about...this.” Tetsuhiro said, though it pained him more than Souichi would ever know.

Souichi lifted his head. He almost looked...grateful. “Really?”

“Yes.” Tetsuhiro said and resolved to help if he could. “Why is it not the same Souichi?”

Souichi opened his mouth, eyes darting between Tetsuhiro's. He looked like a trapped animal.

A few moments went by. Tetsuhiro leaned forward a little and lowered his voice to try to coax Souichi to talk. “Look you don't have to tell me. You don't have to tell me anything. I just thought you'd like to-”

“She's a friend.” Souichi interrupted. “After...after you left, I had a hard time finding someone to replace you.” Souichi's voice cracked slightly and Tetsuhiro tried hard not to visibly react to it. “Then Mai was assigned to work with me. She helped with one project then two and then we became well...friends.”

“I see. Well...friends first is always-” Tetsuhiro started but Souichi continued like he hadn't heard him speak.

“It started because this guy in one of her classes became obsessed with her. Sending her flowers every other day. Trying to walk her to her apartment after school. Somehow ending up everywhere she was like he'd memorized her schedule or something.”

Tetsuhiro watched as Souichi spoke. There was something almost mechanical about the way he was speaking, like he had rehearsed this speech a hundred times but never actually told it to anyone. Obviously this was important. It was the most words he'd heard Souichi string together since he'd arrived.

“She asked if I could walk around with her. And when he approached us I, well, I told him to back off.”

Tetsuhiro ducked his head and allowed a small smile. “I can imagine how that went.”

“He was creepy as fuck! He wouldn't take no for an answer so I punched him and that seemed to clear things up.” Souichi scowled and Tetsuhiro let out a laugh.

“Anyway, it happened again a few weeks later and she told me there were at least 3 guys who were pursuing her.”

“Well she is very pretty.” Tetsuhiro admitted quietly. He thought back to the festival and how _perfect_ they had looked together. He hadn't thought that Souichi felt jealousy, at least he had never felt it for _him_. But perhaps Souichi had been jealous of all these men trying to seduce Mai. It wasn't implausible.

“It got to the point that I was hanging around her so often that people just started...assuming things.” Souichi continued, waving his hand about as if to cast out that thought completely.

“But you weren't together yet?”

Souichi sighed and Tetsuhiro could swear the tips of his ears turned a little pink.

“We were never together.”

_Wait_....“What?”

“She saw it was working and asked that just for appearances sake, we could keep pretending we were together. Didn't really change anything for me and people stopped bothering her so it seemed to work.”

Tetsuhiro's lungs constricted and he scoffed in disbelief. “Wait...you mean that this whole thing is _pretend_?” Souichi nodded, eyes downcast to the table and looking thoroughly displeased about the entire situation. Tetsuhiro gaped. “But...why would you go so far as to call her your fiance? She has a ring and everything!”

“She ended up moving in with me. I...I couldn't afford the rent anymore by myself.” Souichi mumbled, so low Tetsuhiro almost missed it. And that was the crux of it. All of this, everything Souichi had been through over the past 5 years, was a direct result of his own actions. Perhaps it had been the best thing for them, but that didn't stop Tetsuhiro from feeling heavily weighted with guilt. The small things after he left; finding an apartment, making new friends, finding meaningful relationships...Souichi would've had to have experienced that too. Tetsuhiro, no matter the state of their relationship, was an important part of his life and he just took it away.

He didn't answer because no words could really _fix_ anything.

Souichi subtly seemed to collect himself and move past it to continue. “Her parents visited and assumed what everyone else had. We'd been 'together' for about 3 years at that point and it was obvious they thought we were going to get engaged.”

Tetsuhiro nodded but didn't quite understand. “But...you didn't really need to go that far. Did you?”

“God you're so impatient. I'm getting there, idiot.” Souichi growled, sounding a bit like his old self.

“Sorry.” Tetsuhiro replied, hiding a fond smile behind his beer.

“She started dating someone else in the meantime but we knew it wouldn't go over well with her parents. It just seemed easier to pretend to be together.”

“Why wouldn't they approve? What was wrong with him?”

“It was a woman. She's gay.”

“Wha-what?” Tetsuhiro said in a shaky and halting breath.

“Her parents are intolerant assholes. So to keep up the pretense, we said we were engaged. And when I got this assignment, she had to come with me.” Souichi ended with a mumble.

Tetsuhiro couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only was Souichi single and from the context of the story, had been for 5 years, but seemingly he was a much much better person that Tetsuhiro himself could ever hope to be.

“I...wow that's-” Tetsuhiro started but couldn't quite get his thoughts to catch up with his mouth.

Souichi ran a hand through his hair. It was getting longer again. “Stupid, I know.”

“I was going to say noble. That you would be willing to do that for her is...” Tetsuhiro paused. “I don't know what to say. I'm really proud of you.”

He could see Souichi tense somewhat at his words. He hadn't meant to sound so familiar. “Sorry, that might've been weird to say after all this time. It's not like I have the right anymore.”

There was a progressive blush that worked its' way down Souichi's cheeks to his neck. “No it's...it's fine.”

Tetsuhiro drained the last of his beer but declined to order another. He wanted to be as close to sober as he could be for this.

“How long do you think you have before...”

“Well I can't marry her obviously. She deserves someone much better.”

“What are you talking about? She'd be so lucky.” Tetsuhiro said with feeling. Anyone Souichi deemed important enough to stick around had no idea just how fortunate they were. He had never believed otherwise. “But I uhh...I know from experience that that probably wouldn't work with her being well...you know.”

“No kidding.” Maybe Souichi's cheeks reddened just a little bit more but Tetsuhiro was just happy to watch it across the table.

 

* * *

 

“You're doing such an amazing thing, I hope you know that.” Tetsuhiro remarked as they stepped outside into the frostbitten air. He dug his hands deep into his pockets and saw Souichi do the same beside him.

Souichi scoffed. “If it was so amazing, it would've been planned a bit better. We just didn't think about the consequences at the time.”

Tetsuhiro couldn't help it. He felt so purely happy as they walked. Maybe it had a little to do with the two beers he had. But mostly it was Souichi. He'd always put him on a pedestal, perhaps one that was impossible to reach. This night though had done nothing but confirm what he'd always felt. That he had been right to love this man.

Once. To have loved this man once.

“What are you smiling about?” Souichi asked suspiciously, narrowing his gaze.

Tetsuhiro shrugged but continued to allow the small smile in the corner of his mouth. He fixed Souichi with an affectionate gaze.

“Nothing just...I'm glad that you found someone. Even if it is pretend, you still had someone to come home to and spend time with. I'm...I'm so incredibly grateful for that.”

He said it without a second thought. Because even if it wasn't him, at least Souichi found something meaningful and kept him happy. It was a selfish thought as it could be construed as absolving himself from any blame when that just wasn't the case. It was only when he noticed Souichi had stopped and stood a few paces back that he realized how it must have sounded.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to-” He started. Souichi didn't look angry as he had expected but sorely disappointed and... _hurt_.

“I'd prefer not to revisit that part of my life right now.” Souichi said shortly.

Tetsuhiro walked back a little, holding up his hands in apology. “I'm sorry.” He said. “Truly, I am sorry. For...for everything that's happened.”

He hoped it was enough because anymore of this talk and he'd be breaking down right in front of Souichi. It hurt to think that Souichi had hurt this much. And that he'd caused it all.

But this was not the same person he had left 5 years ago, that much was startlingly clear from their conversation. He was still surprised when Souichi sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and met his gaze.

“Me too.”

The quiet night set around them and everything felt blurry except for the person standing in front of him. He had flown halfway across the world and studied the brooding, Italian night sky for hours and still...no sight could compare to this.

The familiar and aching warmth hit him suddenly and too hard. It jumped up and stole his breath away and he couldn't quite urge his feet to move.

Tetsuhiro looked away, composing himself.

Souichi, even though he could see his coat was too light and he must be freezing, didn't look like he was in any rush to move. So Tetsuhiro stepped back a little and let out breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

“Well I...I guess I'll see you tomorrow.” He offered. It felt wrong, leaving like this without enveloping Souichi in the hug he so urgently needed.

Souichi nodded, opening his mouth to say something but looking rather displeased with himself when he decided against it.

“Goodnight.” He said and edged backwards to walk away.

It was only then that Tetsuhiro called back. “You know I think you're very brave.” He felt a little ridiculous shouting it across the street where Souichi now stood but the night didn't feel complete without it.

Souichi stopped and seemed to be contemplating his words. He shook his head. “ _You_ were always the brave one.” He said and continued walking in the opposite direction like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like it didn't leave Tetsuhiro breathless and panicked and content all at once.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little short but I figured enough plot points happened to make up for it.   
> A HUGE thank you to everyone that commented. Honestly, with your encouragement this chapter wrote itself in like a day : )  
> Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

It had been two weeks since the night Souichi had decided to tell him everything. Not that it should in any capacity be life-altering knowledge but unfortunately, with how often their conversation was on his mind, Tetsuhiro was beginning to think it was just that: life-altering.

_How long had Souichi been this accepting of someone like him? Like Mai?_

_Was it his brother Tomo that had changed his mind or did this Mai just make a positive impression?_

_Maybe it had to do with the fact that Mai wasn't as much of a risk? A threat?_

_Why couldn't he have come to this conclusion five years ago?_

_Why not him?_

It completely twisted his memory of the past decade. Perhaps Souichi had been more accepting towards what they had had than he'd thought. Those were the thoughts that put him in a dark place; after all, what had all of this been for then? All the suffering and agony when he'd first arrived, trying to put a professional face on for his job, braving through the phone calls with Hiroto who had not stopped being harassed by Souichi after he'd left, trying valiantly to build another life.

These thoughts shouldn't matter and they shouldn't be intruding during the early hours of the morning with Gabe nuzzled into the crook of his shoulder, but they crept in anyway. It was pointless to dredge up the past when he was so lucky to have the life he did now.

But he couldn't help it. It was addicting.

It was more difficult at work but not overly unbearable. Nothing about that night had been discussed any further from either side as Souichi seemed to be under the impression that it had never happened. Or maybe it was because Tetsuhiro was too cowardly to even broach the subject again for fear it would take over his mind even more so than it already had.

He had so many burning questions but there was a large possibility that any answers would only fuel his curiosity.

Fortunately, they had fallen into a healthy rhythm and on the days they worked together it was comfortable and pleasant and even better than what he remembered.

Everything was going so smoothly and so well-oiled that it was a surprise when he realized halfway through cooking dinner that he'd accidentally taken home Souichi's notes.

“Shit.” He breathed, taking a long sip of his beer as he placed the notes back on the coffee table in front of him. It was a Friday night and he knew Souichi would need the notes for the weekend. He could call him tomorrow but his mind, unhelpful as it was these days, reminded him Souichi worked best in the early morning.

He tapped in the number from memory and sent a quick text.

 

**Friday, December 22, 7:21 PM**

_Accidentally took your notes home. I can come drop them off or you can pick them up now?_

 

**7:22 PM**

_Address?_

 

* * *

 

There was a series of three knocks on the door precisely thirty minutes later. Tetsuhiro muted the television that he was _definitely_ paying attention to and made his way to the front door.

He let out a long, steadying breath and twisted the doorknob.

Souichi wasn't looking at him when it opened but to his right where he knew Gabe's bicycle was leaned up against the railing.

He coughed and Souichi tore his eyes away to look at him.

“Hey. Come in.” Tetsuhiro offered with a smile and moved away to let Souichi inside. It was odd to play the host for Souichi of all people.

Souichi walked slowly past him and into the kitchen, not so subtly taking in his surroundings.

“It's not big but it works.” Tetsuhiro said, hoping to fill the silence a little.

“Nice bike.” Souichi mumbled and fixed him with a frown.

“Yea it's...it's not mine.” He finished lamely and closed the door to keep the chill out.

Souichi seemed to move on to eye up the living room while Tetsuhiro moved towards the coffee table and busied himself organizing the notes he had set aside.

“Sorry about that. I could've sworn I separated the copies.”

“It's fine.” Souichi said and took the papers offered to him.

It was then that Souichi's gaze fixed somewhere behind him and he knew he'd seen the photos. In one, he was thumbing up at the camera with a variety of dishes in front of him. The Snow Blossom Festival a few years back, he remembered. In another, Gabe smiling widely with his arm possessively around Tetsuhiro's waist. He really likes that picture because it's obvious to anyone that looks at it that Gabe wants him, wants to be with him in every conceivable way.

But Souichi wasn't just anyone and it made his stomach twist sickeningly.

He scrambled to say something, anything to move this along. “You can...stay for dinner if you want. I have something in the oven already.” Is what came out of his mouth.

“Okay.”

Great.

 

* * *

 

Dinner was nice. Too nice.

The room was warm and intimate. He'd always enjoyed watching Souichi eat things he'd prepared for him. Maybe there was never the outright 'thank you' but he always ate with such enthusiasm and satisfaction that it hardly seemed necessary.

They discussed work and Souichi's family because they were safe topics. Safe was what he needed right now with the sunset bathing Souichi in a pale purple. It was hard to look at him.

If it weren't for the different cutlery and table and couch and television, he could fool himself into believing that this was just another dinner after a long day at university.

They moved to the couch to watch some of the evening news. Tetsuhiro made them some tea and allowed the warmth of the room to catch up with him slightly. It made his head feel airy and light and the butterflies that refused to leave his stomach were far from mellowing.

“Where's this cup from?” Souichi asked abruptly as another weather alert bellowed from the television.

Tetsuhiro cleared his throat a little. “Um...it's actually from Italy.”

“ _High winds are expected to continue into the weekend but there is a chance for some sun coming on....”_

“Does he live here?”

“No.” Tetsuhiro said. The news reporters voice droned on in the background. “Actually, I'm moving in with him in a couple months after my lease ends. His place is bigger.”

He chanced a glance to his left at where Souichi sat, one leg tucked neatly under the other, his teacup rested on his knee like he'd forgotten he was holding it. Tetsuhiro could tell he was looking at the screen but not watching it.

“Souichi.” He called. There was a quiet hum next to him but Souichi didn't turn to look. “I'm sorry for how I left.” Souichi inhaled sharply. “I know it's a long overdue apology but I am very sorry. Everything was just so overwhelming and the timing with the job and everything. I didn't handle it well at all.” He finished, his voice slightly cracking from the unwelcome emotion that seemed to suddenly clog up his throat.

Souichi nodded after a long moment. “I'm sorry too.” He said low and quiet. “I...shouldn't have spoken like that. Like I did.”

Tetsuhiro returned his gesture with a smile that hadn't felt so natural in months. He felt giddy and happy. “Can you forgive me? Can we be friends again?” He asked and Souichi looked up at him, pinning him where he was. The slight nod in his direction was answer enough and his smile widened.

He should let this moment fade. But the Souichi he remembered rarely held eye contact this long and this softly. It only served to warm him further and it made him less guarded than he should be. His smile became more muted and Souichi's eyes flicked down to his lips to watch the movement. It was warm but not stuffy and it would be so easy to just...

“Babe I didn't know if you had dinner so I brought...Oh sorry, I didn't know we had company.”

Gabe's voice disrupted the charged air around them with such force that Tetsuhiro jumped up from his place like he'd been burned. He hadn't even heard the key turning.

His treacherous hand went to the back of his neck in a telltale twitch as Gabe still stood in the doorway, a bag full of take out on his arm.

“Gabe you remember Souichi. From the festival.” He said. The emotion he had felt just moments before now entering his voice with shaky adrenaline.

Gabe's foot came up and shut the door behind him, looking from Tetsuhiro to Souichi in a slow but deliberate way. “Right. How are you, Souichi?”

“Fine. Thank you.” The voice came from behind him as Souichi now stood. He placed the cup on the end table next to the couch and gathered his notes. “I should go.” His face betrayed little emotion as if their conversation hadn't happened. Tetsuhiro should be grateful that there wasn't a scene in front of Gabe but these 'lost' conversations would be the end of him.

“Okay. I'll walk you out.” Tetsuhiro said, flashing a smile to Gabe as he moved towards the doorway. “Thanks for coming by. Sorry about the notes again.” He said, and hoped the apology was evident in his eyes. Souichi looked up at him and opened his mouth to answer when he felt arms twisting around his middle.

“You're welcome anytime! Next time bring that gorgeous fiance of yours and we can all have dinner.” Gabe said, his breath warming Tetsuhiro's ears as the arms pulled him backwards slightly.

He hated, absolutely hated the way Souichi's words seemed to leave him and the light that had entered his eyes diminished so quickly.

“Goodnight.”

Once the door was shut, the arms that had possessively tucked around him were abruptly pulled away and he was left feeling cold.

Tetsuhiro eyed the bag on the counter and began rifling through it to occupy his hands. They suddenly itched to grab at something, anything. “What did you bring? I made a little something if you want that instead. Let me heat it up.”

There was a heavy silence that followed and he turned to see Gabe with his arms crossed, staring at the dirty dishes in the sink.

“What's wrong?” Tetsuhiro asked, his voice wavering.

“Is he the one?”

His lungs constricted.

“What?”

“When we first started going out, you mentioned a long term relationship with someone from school. It was Souichi wasn't it.”

Tetsuhiro dropped his gaze but knew Gabe could read his expression regardless.

“It was.”

Gabe pressed his lips together. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I didn't think...”

“Didn't think what?” Gabe interrupted with an intensity Tetsuhiro had never seen from him before. “That it wasn't important?”

Tetsuhiro held his hands up and tried to keep his voice calm. “Gabe look...we're just friends now. He came by to pick up some notes I accidentally took today and then we had some dinner. That's all.”

Gabe scoffed and shook his head. “I'm not accusing you of cheating Tetsuhiro. I'm just wondering why you felt you had to lie about it.”

“I didn't lie about anything!”

“Withholding the truth is the same thing to me.”

Tetsuhiro rubbed at his temples where a headache was beginning to push at his skull. “Do you want me to tell you about it? Would that help? It was unrequited and complicated so I left. End of story. Just because he's here now doesn't change anything.”

Their breathing was loud in the quiet kitchen, Tetsuhiro's last words ringing in the air. Gabe finally nodded like he was done processing.

“I'm too tired to go back to my apartment so I'm staying here. I can take the bed or the couch but whichever one I end up in, I don't want you there.”

Tetsuhiro looked at him helplessly and wondered how such a pleasant evening had turned into this bitter and complicated _mess_ so suddenly.

“Gabe...come on. Please.” He begged softly but the stubbornness that he so loved about Gabe was evident in every feature on his face. His shoulders dropped, defeated. “Take the bed.” He offered and watched as Gabe turned and did just that.

It was when he was washing up later that night that he dropped Souichi's teacup and it shattered on the tile. He stared at the broken pieces and allowed the phantom echoing sounds of the crash to subside in his mind.

Gabe doesn't acknowledge the noise and Tetsuhiro thinks about it well into the morning.

 

* * *

 

“Morning. I made some coffee.”

Gabe rubbed his eyes sleepily and padded over to the kitchen table where Tetsuhiro sat, newspaper in hand. “Thank you.”

He allowed Gabe to settle down with his morning toast and sat down across from him; it felt like a good sign. They had never had a fight like this before, one that involved an ex anyway. He wondered if Masaki would waltz in just to make things even more interesting.

There wasn't much to do but set aside his newspaper and hope his words come across as apologetic as he felt.

“I'm sorry, Gabe. I thought about it all night and you're right. If this was the other way around, I don't know if I would be okay with the situation either.”

Gabe, ever the perfect partner, graced him with a sheepish smile and nodded. “It's okay. I may have overreacted a little.” Tetsuhiro smiled back with relief. At least he hadn't screwed up another relationship.

“Look I trust you, Tetsuhiro. And I can't say I blame him.”

Tetsuhiro nodded distractedly but then backpedaled, lost. “Wait...what? What do you mean?”

“Well if I were in Souichi's shoes and I got to see someone I had been in love with again, I'd want to be around them all the time too.”

Tetsuhiro gaped and made several disbelieving noises to this. He was not one to blush but he could feel his cheeks heating at the very thought of Souichi ever having been in love...with him of all people.

Gabe titled his head to Tetsuhiro's reaction. “What's wrong?

“He was never in love with me.”

“But you said it was unrequited.”

“Yes. From my side.”

“Seriously? Well with the way he looks at you, I had just assumed.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey. What do bikes have to do with anything?” Mai asked. Souichi, bent studiously over his lab notes across from her didn't glance up.

“What?”

“You were mumbling about bicycles last night in your sleep. Never pegged you for the cycling type.”

Souichi fixed her with a scowl. “Why were you listening to me?”

She shrugged, a hint of a smile tugged at her lips. “You fell asleep on the couch and I wanted tea. I couldn't help it.” Souichi mumbled low under his breath about being tired but offered nothing further. Mai set aside her spoon and leaned her arms on the table. “You alright?”

“Yes. Why?” Souichi answered stiffly.

“No reason, I guess.”

Mai watched him for a few moments longer and then stood, taking both their breakfast dishes away to the sink.

She went around the back of his chair and stuck her hand fully into the back of his head, rubbing at the hair there.

“Can I help you?” He lightly batted her hands away when she ruffled his hair for good measure.

“You growing out your hair? It looks nice.”

“No I...I didn't notice.” He answered, his hand crumpling the paper slightly on the table.

Mai tells him she'd be back tomorrow morning. He grumbles some sort of a response. It works.

It was as she was putting her coat on and fixing her hair that she glanced backwards to ask if he needed anything while she was out. Souichi was playing with his hair and looked at the strands as if he'd only just realized he had them.

She closed the door as quietly as she could and decided to text him later instead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a short one guys but kind of important revelations here! Thank you for everyone's comments and patience! I'm in the middle of a job hunt so the next few chapters will most likely be just as delayed. Please let me know what you think and have a LOVELY day xxx


	5. Chapter 5

Just because Gabe had forgiven him didn't mean that the evidence of their fight had disappeared. In fact, it had manifested in such a way that made Tetsuhiro feel like he was being watched. They were moving in together soon and instead of relishing those last few months of freedom, Gabe had taken to spending all his free time at Tetsuhiro's apartment.

Tetsuhiro would come home from a particularly long day at work and find Gabe cooking an unidentifiable concoction in the kitchen. Or when he was readying for bed, a text would light up his phone letting him know Gabe was on the way from the office. There was one particular day when his phone wouldn't stop ringing on his lunch break and he had to excuse himself to answer before it became too unprofessional.

He supposed from an outside view it could be considered romantic that Gabe didn't want to part from him for even a few hours. But it felt oddly like he was checking up on Tetsuhiro and it made for a perpetual tense feeling he couldn't quite shake.

And then to add to an already frustrating and long week, his boss gathered both teams early on a Monday morning, bouncing cheerfully on the soles of his feet.

“Team I have exciting news! We are well ahead of schedule thanks to all of your collaboration efforts. The Nagoya team will most likely be heading home in about a month.”

There were modest cheers to his left and right and he joined in, though it felt fake and hard on his face. The last few months had gone by in such a heady blur that it almost felt dreamlike and unreal. Everything would go back to normal. Normal was what he wanted....right?

Kauro grabbed onto his shoulders and shook him from his thoughts. “Hear that, Morinaga-kun? Sounds like bonuses to me.”

Tetsuhiro disengaged the hands swaying him from side to side. “Kauro, you're an intern. You wouldn't get a bonus even if they handed them out.”

Kauro didn't seemed deterred in the slightest and leaned in conspiratorially. “Well at least certain people will soon be gone. I know he's your friend and everything but I am _through_ dodging soda cans.”

Tetsuhiro looked over to the man in question. Souichi hovered near the doorway, staring down at the carpeted floor as if there wasn't a celebration around him.

Tetsuhiro pushed through the crowd of his co-workers, shaking a hand and nodding here and there until he reached the doorway. He leaned up next Souichi, nudging him slightly with his shoulder.

“I bet you miss school.” He tried but the way Souichi stared, vacant and expressionless, oddly mirrored his own feelings. “You know Souichi, I wouldn't mind coming to visit some time. If that's okay with you.” He was unsure if Souichi was even listening but he forged on. “This doesn't have to be goodbye like...like last time.”

Without removing his eyes from the floor, Souichi let out a sigh. “Yea.”

“Are you alright?” Tetsuhiro pitched his voice low to avoid any unwanted attention but it didn't matter. Souichi decided to throw himself off the doorway and stomp back down the hall towards the stairs without so much as a grunt of acknowledgment.

“You would think he'd be happy to leave.” Kauro's voice came from behind him. Tetsuhiro watched Souichi's retreating figure until the very last corner before he disappeared around it.

“Yea. You'd think.”

* * *

 

**Monday, March 2nd, 11:25 AM**

_Hey hun!!! Wanna grab some dinner tonight at that steak place you like?_

  


**11:41 AM**

_We can go back to mine if you want afterwards_

  


**11:43 AM**

_I mean ours ;)_

  


**11:46 AM**

_Maybe this weekend we can go shopping for some new furniture!_

  


“Could you shut that fucking thing up?” Souichi was still bent over the same sample he'd been working on all day and the frustration was clear in his tone.

Tetsuhiro went to the vibration setting and switched it to off just as another text came through. “I'm trying.” He mumbled, too exhausted from having to continue the text conversation to be embarrassed by his partner's incessant chatter.

His phone blissfully remained silent as he tiredly went back to work. His limbs felt heavy and achy like he was in the throes of a cold but it was more likely that it was this week that had drained him of his energy. Even being in the same room as Souichi did nothing to lighten his mood. Souichi had been a seething ball of anger as soon as he'd come down to the lab to work and it had translated to a tense atmosphere.

He tried not to analyze the **why's** but it was a fruitless effort. Kauro's words still rang in his head.

_You'd think he'd be happy to leave.'_

Tetsuhiro couldn't help but wonder the same thing. Shouldn't Souichi be happy to return to his lab in Nagoya? What about his family? Souichi was always happiest when he was around his little sister and brother. Surely this entire relocation had been a drastic upheaval and he was desperate to return to normalcy.

The thoughts pinged around, one beginning without having properly finished another, and he tried in vain to prevent the headache that had started to form around his temples.

He couldn't ask Souichi any of these questions. He shouldn't want to know the answers. The problem was that he did.

In a month's time he would move back upstairs to his own office.

And Souichi would be back in Nagoya.

“Fuck!”

Tetsuhiro was ripped from his thoughts just as Souichi stood and began angrily rustling up the desk in front of him. Papers crumpled, empty test tubes fell over or shattered, and Tetsuhiro was on his feet so fast that his own microscope almost suffered a fall to the tiled floor.

“Souichi! What's the matter!?” He tried just as Souichi was tearing off his lab coat in a frenzy and throwing it on top of the chaotic mess.

“Hey, Souichi!” Tetsuhiro shouted though it didn't seem to reach Souichi's ears. He pushed past him, muttering to himself as he went and made for the door. But Tetsuhiro's concern overwhelmed him and he reached out to stop Souichi as he passed. The softest touch to the elbow did halt Souichi's steps enough for him to step around him and force him to look up.

“What was that just now? Are you alright?”

Souichi swayed slightly as if his anger was too much for his body to stand still and glared at Tetsuhiro.

“I wish everyone would stop fucking asking me that.”

“Well when you break half of our supply of test tubes and ruin the data from the last 2 weeks, I'd say I am within my rights to ask what is going on.”

“Nothing.” Souichi muttered.

“Really? This doesn't look like nothing.” Tetsuhiro gestured behind him. Souichi glanced back at the mess he'd created and, to his credit, reddened with what Tetsuhiro assumed was embarrassment. He crossed his arms tightly around his chest, hunching in on himself.

“Let me go past.”

Tetsuhiro crossed his own arms, feeling like he was dealing with a child. “No. I can't let you walk out like this.”

“Why? Not so nice when it's the other way around is it?” Souichi said through his teeth.

Tetsuhiro was taken aback. Were they back to this again?

“What?”

“Nevermind. Move!” Souichi tried to elbow past him but with a sidestep, Tetsuhiro blocked his path once more.

“Look if this is about the project ending, I meant what I said. I can come visit if...if you'll have me. We can still be friends.” Tetsuhiro spoke softly.

“Really? Because it hasn't worked fucking well so far.”

Tetsuhiro's shoulders dropped and his arms swung limply to his sides. It made him incredibly sad to keep having these arguments with someone he unfortunately couldn't stop caring about. Everything was just becoming too much: Gabe was most likely texting him as they spoke, waiting at his apartment to overwhelm him even more, and now he was once again fighting with Souichi.

“I just...I'm trying, Souichi. I'm really trying here. I don't want to...”

_I don't to lose you again_

“Don't want to what?” Souichi demanded, stepping closer to him as he spoke. Tetsuhiro looked away but Souichi's gaze was sharp and difficult to avoid. “See? That's what I'm talking about. 5 years ago you would've just fucking said what you wanted to and now? How can we be friends if you won't be honest with me.”

Souichi had a point. But...

“Maybe there are some things I just shouldn't say.”

“What things?” Souichi asked, his tone low and steady. He took a slow and deliberate step forward, something Tetsuhiro hadn't been expecting and almost fell backwards onto the desk behind him.

“Stop, Souichi.” He could feel his resolve weakening, they hadn't been this close in so long and the proximity was difficult to manage.

Souichi raked a hand through his hair impatiently.

“I shouldn't have come here in the first place.”

Tetsuhiro paused for a moment to understand but as Souichi took a thinly veiled look of disgust around the room, he realized he meant to this job. “It's not like you had a choice.” Tetsuhiro mumbled. But Souichi visibly tensed at his words, his lips pursed and tightly shut together. “Souichi?”

"I had a choice.”

_Wait_

Tetsuhiro's breath shuttered as the implications dawned on him. “Hold on, did you know that I- that I would be on this project?”

Souichi's reddened cheekbones were answer enough. His eyes flit between Tetsuhiro's almost as if he were both afraid and anxious to know what he was to say next.

Tetsuhiro swallowed against the dryness in his throat, letting his full weight lean against the desk behind him. “Wh-why?”

“I wanted to see you.”

Something broke inside Tetsuhiro. Souichi had gone to such lengths over the years to contact him, to see him. Even going so far as to take a project that was far beneath his skill set. It truly solidified just how much he had messed up by leaving so selfishly.

Watching Souichi look so vulnerable and anxious before him propelled his feet forward and he only briefly glimpsed wide brown eyes before sweeping Souichi into his arms. Souichi let out a noise of surprise as Tetsuhiro held on as tightly as he could and enjoyed the feel of the familiar chest against his own.

“Souichi I...” He started but his voice cracked and he abandoned words altogether. Instead, he buried his head into Souichi's shoulder.

It felt like an eternity before arms wrapped cautiously around his own back. And then, much like his own wave of emotion, fingertips and nails dug into his labcoat _hard_. There would be red, crescent shaped marks on his skin later on but Tetsuhiro didn't care; he hadn't felt so right in years.

Tetsuhiro wasn't sure if he was trembling or it was Souichi or both but the proximity was bringing back so many memories it was almost overwhelming. He could practically feel Souichi's muscles relaxing under his own and the tension drained from them both as time went on. At some point, Souichi leaned his cheek against Tetsuhiro's shoulder with a small, almost inaudible, sigh.

For all the havoc Tetsuhiro's phone had caused today, it was Souichi's phone ringing that ended up breaking the comfortable atmosphere.

Tetsuhiro felt the jolt of surprise run through Souichi's body as they both leaned away from each other and looked towards the offending phone on the counter. Souichi avoided his eyes and shakily went over to pick it up. If his fingers slightly fumbled opening it and tapping in his password, Tetsuhiro didn't say anything.

“H-hello?”

Tetsuhiro let out a breath, shut his eyes, and allowed the last tickles of warmth to subside in his chest.

“What?! Why?” Souichi demanded to the unfortunate person on the other end. “Okay fine. Yes, I'll be back soon.”

The conversation had sounded quite urgent but Souichi shuffled in place and rubbed at the back of his neck like he wasn't sure if he should leave.

Tetsuhiro offered him a smile that felt natural and pure and tilted his head slightly to the lab door. “Go, Souichi. It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow.”

It was only then that Souichi nodded and headed towards the exit. He paused in his step for a few seconds, glancing backwards, pale pink staining his cheeks, and left.

It took Tetsuhiro a little longer to clean up and complete both of their tasks but the smile from before seemed permanently etched into his face. His phone sat silent.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience with this chapter! I got a new job and I've been pretty swamped with that which is why this ones so short but the next ones will be longer, I promise! Hope you all are happy and healthy and that you enjoyed the chapter :)


	6. Chapter 6

Souichi Tatsumi was many things: a brother, a son, and a damn good scientist. He was not, however, someone who begged and pleaded to anyone for anything or for any reason.

But frantic phone calls and sleepless nights consumed the month of August until he was no longer recognizable to his family or himself.

He hadn't quite believed Tetsuhiro would stay away for longer than a week or so. It had never been the case before. Surely with how much Tetsuhiro claimed he loved Souichi, he couldn't bare the distance. Surely.

But one week bled into two and the third crept up with no sign of slowing. There was a hollow feeling that presided in his chest and as time went on it seemed like it would be a permanent fixture. It made it harder and harder to breathe.

Matsuda was worried. Kanako too. They both tried to convince him to return home but he had to stay in the flat. What if Tetsuhiro decided to come home one night and he wasn't there?

He hated how his pride seemed non-existent after the first few days had passed. At one point, his phone had died after his 45th attempt to call Tetsuhiro's number. The following day, when he tried to call once more, the voice on the other end informed him the number had been disconnected. He remembered his vision getting blurry and a mixture of worry, guilt, and sadness consuming him until he pressed his palms to watering eyes.

Tomoe offered to talk about it. So did Kanako and Isogai.

But how could he even explain to anyone how he felt about Tetsuhiro's absence when he couldn't quite figure it out himself?

 

* * *

 

It was around noon when the main door to the lab burst open and another assistant prospect thundered down the hallway, mumbling about tyrants and beakers flying through the air.

Several students watched with interest and looked inside curiously to see Souichi Tatsumi once again alone.

He scowled at them, effectively scaring them off and sighed before crossing the next name off on his list.

It had neared a month since he'd been away from school. His professor had given him personal leave as it had started to affect his work. Though Souichi was in some ways grateful, it just left more time to think and to worry and that was worse.

Now that he was back, however, finding another assistant was top priority. Unfortunately for the innocent prospects lining up to help, it only served as a reminder that Tetsuhiro was gone. His absence evident everywhere he looked.

A soft knock to the frame of the open door expelled the thoughts and he beckoned the next hopeful in without looking up.

“Your name?” He asked.

“Mai. Mai Harado.”

Souichi glanced up at her. She was dressed rather professionally, as if this were a some serious job interview, long hair tied back and glasses set primly on her nose. She smiled at him and cocked her head.

“This is where the interviews for your assistant are being held, correct?”

Souichi nodded, a little off-kilter. Most of the applicants had been men as word had spread around the school that the tyrant liked to throw bits and pieces around the room, at times towards peoples heads. He figured most women were smart enough not to apply.

As she took her seat in front of him, he continued scanning the list for her name.

“You didn't sign up.”

“I know. I didn't think it would be possible for me to attend the interview. But my plans changed and I would really like this position.” Mai said with a firm but calm tone. She had neatly folded her hands in her lap and continued to smile through Souichi's gruff responses.

He raised an eyebrow and sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Well, it won't be easy. I'm not easy to please or work with. But as long as you're not stupid, it should work out fine.”

He'd parroted the same lines in every interview. He believed it weeded out the weak ones, the sensitive ones. Tetsuhiro, though sensitive to a point it was exhausting, was different. He'd always been different.

Instead, Mai nodded. The rudeness of the words didn't seem to fault her in the slightest. “Well I'm not stupid. And I can prove it to you. Right here, everyday in this lab.”

Souichi watched her for a moment. She wasn't like the others. She held unflinching eye contact and her voice was clear and steady. She was unwavering, much like himself.

He leaned forward with a hand and she took it, shaking it firmly.

“Okay then. We start right now. Get a lab coat on.”

 

* * *

 

The insomnia was the worst part. When he did manage to fall asleep, his dreams were restless and horrible and though he could never quite remember them, they usually ended with Tetsuhiro dying in his arms. He'd wake up in a cold sweat, shaking and unable to fall back to sleep.

It was halfway into September, another sleepless night awaited him as he sat in their...his...cold living room. He'd just finished another cigarette when he gasped, choking at the sudden inhalation of smoke.

**_Hiroto._ **

That bartender. He was good friends with Tetsuhiro. He probably knew where he was or how to contact him.

It was 1:30 AM on a Friday. Surely the bar was still open.

It was only when he arrived and saw two men pushed up against the outside of the building, hands roaming and faces close together, that he remembered what kind of bar this was.

He blushed angrily, forgetting himself for a moment. _This was worth it_ , he mused. He pushed through the door before he could dwell on it and searched manically for Hiroto.

He was slightly worried that maybe Hiroto wasn't working tonight but then he saw a flash of red hair and stalked over.

“Oi, you. Hiroto.” He barked.

The man behind the counter dropped the glass he'd been cleaning, the smile he'd shared with a coworker disappearing to one of shock, as he regarded Souichi like he was a ghost.

“S-Souichi-kun. Wow I-I didn't uh...” He started, looking increasingly nervous.

“Look, you know why I'm here.” Souichi said, dropping his voice and glancing around at the other patrons. A few were looking in their direction but, as Souichi would realize later on, it wasn't to listen in. Rather, they were captivated by the blonde haired man who had burst into the bar without a partner.

Hiroto's eyes widened and he laughed in a high pitch. “I don't know what you mean.”

Souichi slammed his hand down on the counter. “You know where he is. Tell me where he is.”

At that, another bartender walked over and put a hand on Hiroto's shoulder. “Is everything alright here? Do I need to get security?”

Hiroto looked relieved but shook his head. “No, I think we're fine.” He paused. “We're fine, aren't we Souichi?”

Souichi glared but let the fight roll from his shoulders. He'd been so desperate to know where Tetsuhiro was he'd almost started a scene at a gay bar. What was happening to him?

Suddenly, he was very very tired.

“Sorry.”

Hiroto nodded and his co-worker, though he looked hesitant, walked slowly away.

“Do you know where he is?” Souichi asked, quieter now.

Hiroto sighed heavily, picking up another glass and beginning to clean it.

“Souichi I can't...he told me not to...”

“Please.” Souichi asked, hating how small he felt right now. Small and completely powerless.

Hiroto must have been slightly moved by his tone as his expression melted with sympathy but he shook his head.

“I'm...I'm sorry Souichi-kun. I can't tell you where he is. He wants to be alone.”

“But you've...you've talked to him.” Hiroto nodded slowly, looking unsure if he should even divulge that information. “Is he...is he alright?”

“He's...been better. But if you mean is he alright physically, yes he's fine.”

Those cruel, niggling thoughts that consumed him at night, the particularly gruesome ones where Tetsuhiro slit his wrists or hung from the ceiling fan, they were forcefully pushed away as Hiroto spoke. His whole body slumped against the counter and he rested his forehead against his palms in relief.

If he couldn't see Tetsuhiro, at least he knew he was okay.

A thump raised his head and he saw Hiroto had placed a beer in front of him. For the first time in as long as he could remember, it looked unappetizing. His stomach churned at the sight of it and though he'd been drinking not a few hours ago, he didn't want it to cloud his thoughts anymore.

He shook his head, standing on slightly wobbly legs. “Thanks but I don't drink anymore.”

Hiroto's eyebrows raised in surprise. Tetsuhiro must've told him about his drinking habits before. Was this where he came to to complain about Souichi? Was it where he came to the decision enough was enough?

Souichi turned to leave when he suddenly stopped. He glanced over his shoulder to see Hiroto still looking after him.

“Do me a favor. Don't tell him I spoke to you.”

Hiroto looked surprised but nodded all the same, wishing him a goodnight.

When he reached his apartment again, the moon was high above him and he was exhausted.

For the first time in a month and a half, he slept soundly. And though he couldn't remember what he dreamed, he felt warm and content when he awoke.

 

* * *

 

2, 3, 6 months passed. There were easier days and there were harder days. The easy days he had so much work he hadn't a spare thought to anything other than the data in front of him. The harder days were solemn and quiet and he'd imagine phantom arms working their way around his shoulders or he'd place a few fingers to his lips where they tingled.

He missed his friend. He missed being able to talk about their day and the laboratory they shared. And though he would never admit it outside the confines of his own mind, he missed losing himself in a languid kiss. Sometimes he'd imagine just being pressed together, nothing more, and it made him bitterly angry at the sense of loss he felt.

He could admit that what they had had was different than anything he'd had before. With anyone.

It made him question if, had Tetsuhiro stayed, how long they would have lasted as they were. How long it would have been before Tetsuhiro would want more. Souichi was terrified of committing to it, even though as the months and the years went on of them together, it felt more and more like they were meant to be doing this. Together.

What that made him? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure he even wanted to know at this point. It wouldn't bring Tetsuhiro back anyway.

It was an unremarkable Tuesday morning and he was putting his list of to-do's together when Mai entered the laboratory so quickly she almost tripped over the threshold.

“Morning.” Souichi said slowly, confused as to how her usual calm demeanor could shift into such anxiety.

She jumped a little as he spoke but leaned against the door and breathed deeply.

“Morning. Sorry I'm a little late. I had to take the long way to school today.”

“And did you run while taking the long way?” Souichi asked. She hastily attempted to fix her hair where it had fallen out of her bun and coughed haughtily.

“No, this is just the style now.”

Souichi snorted. She was terrible at lying and even more terrible at looking less than perfect. “Right.”

Mai took her seat, sitting primly as she usually did and took out her notebook. Souichi was not a very observant man but even he could see that she was shaking and still utterly distracted.

“Are you okay? You seem...” He left it at that, not necessarily good with these types of things.

She smiled at him though it looked forced and too friendly. “I'm fine. Thank you. Do you have a copy of the data from yesterday?”

He handed over the documents and let her calm down on her own.

They worked well together. In fact, she was probably too over-qualified to be in the position of taking orders from Souichi. Not that she did most of the time. She knew enough to go about her work without help and would often stay late to help him when he didn't finish.

She didn't talk too much or overly share about her personal life. In fact, she seemed very keen to keep that separate from her schooling which Souichi could appreciate.

For the first time in school though, he started to feel lonely. Tetsuhiro had really been the only friend he'd had that had stuck around for as long as he did. He knew Souichi on every level and in that way it was the easiest and most difficult relationship he'd been a part of.

Now he'd replaced Tetsuhiro with someone competent yes, but not interested in being anything more than lab partners. Not that he was interested in Mai like that; he missed being able to just talk to someone on a daily basis.

Then, as if his thoughts had manifested into the most horrible way, he found out about the stalker.

Not on purpose of course but when Mai had left to go to the bathroom and hadn't come back for half an hour, he begrudgingly went to go look for her.

He approached the bathroom and rapped his knuckles on the door. “Mai! Are you in there?”

No answer.

A girl he knew from one of his classes slipped in front of him, looking concerned. “Tatsumi-kun? Is everything alright?”

He ran an anxious hand through his hair. “Would you mind checking if Mai Harado is in there? She's been gone for a long while now.”

She nodded quickly and entered the bathroom while Souichi waited outside, rocking back and forth on his heels.

After a few moments, she peeked her head around the door. “Sorry, she's not in here. Would you like me to help you look for her?”

“No that's okay. Thanks anyway.”

Souichi made his way back to the lab to see if she had returned while he was gone. It was empty and quiet and he looked curiously over to her belongings. On the chair beside the one she sat in was her messenger bag, phone, and when he peeked inside, her wallet and keys.

She shouldn't have been gone this long without those things with her.

He tried to go back to work as best he could but then it was 45 minutes that had passed and he couldn't in good conscience let her absence go unseen to.

He started walking around the campus, flitting his eyes from student to student. It was a cool day and he hadn't brought his jacket with him, making his pace quicken.

Just as he was about to head back and perhaps inform her roommate of her absence, he saw two silhouettes outside the Psychology building. He almost disregarded them but the intimate embrace he thought he saw at first was definitely not consensual. The girl shoved and pushed and Souichi could tell she was getting more and more panicked. It was Mai.

He ran as fast as he could and used the momentum to punch at the guy's face hard enough to bruise his own knuckles. To Souichi's satisfaction, he went tumbling to the ground in a pathetic heap, holding his face in shock.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?!” Souichi shouted, stalking over so he was looming over the man

“I...I was just...” He started, looking nervously at Souichi before narrowing his eyes to Mai behind him. “She's the one that led me on and then she started avoiding me.”

Souichi glanced back at Mai who was shakily fixing her clothes. He noticed the sleeve of her blouse had been ripped. “Are you okay?” He asked her. When she nodded, wiping at her eyes, he looked back to the man on the ground who was subtly inching away.

“It's her own fault!”

“I didn't want any of this! Why couldn't you just leave me alone?” Mai yelled.

Souichi kicked at the soil under his foot so it sprayed all over the guy's white top. “You're a pathetic pervert. And a stalker. And I'm calling the police.”

With that, the man stumbled to his feet and hurriedly jogged away in the opposite direction. Souichi let him go, knowing it wasn't worth it to pursue, and turned to Mai with a phone in his hand.

“I can call them but only if you want me to. Do you know what his name is?”

She looked at him blankly for a few seconds, blinking slowly and then lunged, enveloping him in a fierce hug.

Souichi stumbled backwards, shocked. He wasn't used to hugging well...anyone really, except for a select few. He patted her slightly on the back, unsure of what to do with his hands.

When she pulled back, she smiled widely at him though there were still a few stray tears on her cheek.

“Thank you for doing that. And for coming to find me. He was just...so aggressive and I didn't think he'd stop.” She laughed a little, wiping at his shirt with her hand where her tears had made a wet patch and nodded.

“Let's call them. So he can't do that to anyone else.”

Souichi nodded, a little off balance, but called nonetheless.

When two police officers arrived a half an hour later, Mai answered their questions while lightly holding onto Souichi's inner elbow. He found it almost comforting.

Perhaps he wasn't going to be so lonely after all.

 

* * *

 

Tomoe made his annual visit in March, Kurokawa suspiciously absent. Because Kanako was away at school and Matsuda was sick with the stomach flu, Tomoe stayed in Tetsu...in the guest room.

It was nice to have someone else in the apartment. Someone to make coffee in the morning or tidy the dishes from dinner. He hadn't lived alone in years and sometimes the quiet would creep up and remind him why his chest still ached, still felt as though there was an empty space that couldn't quite be filled.

Mercifully, Tomoe hadn't brought Tetsuhiro up. Kanako or Isogai or someone must have warned him not to but Souichi didn't care as long as he didn't have to talk about it. How many months had it been? 8?

They were watching television, some nature documentary his dad suggested they tune in to. Neither of them were that interested so when they heard keys jangling in the door, it was a welcome distraction.

“Hey! Thought I'd come over for dinner if you haven't eaten yet.” Mai called from the kitchen.

Souichi waved his hand distractedly in her direction. “Haven't yet. Thanks.” He stood, stretching his back muscles and indicated to his brother on the couch.

“Mai this is Tomoe, my brother.”

He was about to help her with the bags of food when he caught sight of Tomoe's face. He looked dumbfounded. And Souichi realized what it must have looked like. It wasn't like he intended to keep his friendship with Mai a secret, he just hadn't thought it was a big deal.

To be fair to Tomoe, he wasn't the warmest and cuddliest person so maybe this did warrant a bit of shock.

Mai, on her part, floated over and outstretched her hand. “Hi there. Souichi has told me so much about you. Would you join us for some food?”

Tomoe looked back and forth between them several times before taking her hand and leaning to whisper in Souichi's ear. “Could I talk to you in private for a moment?”

“I guess.” Souichi said, annoyed when his brother gripped his arm tightly and propelled them into Souichi's room, shutting the door roughly behind them.

“I know how this sounds coming from me but that was kind of rude, Tomoe.” Souichi said, watching Tomoe pace up and down, holding his temples. 

“How could you not tell us?!” Tomoe kept his voice just above an angry whisper but Souichi was still surprised he'd even raised his voice.

“What?”

“You've never dated anyone in the history of forever and I have to find out you're with that beautiful woman because she waltzes into your apartment with bags of food?” He pauses, chest heaving. “Did you tell Kanako or dad or were you planning to keep it a secret forever?”

Souichi was taken aback. Was that what Tomoe thought? That he and Mai were together...like that.

He found it more telling that he hadn't even thought about it. He'd never imagined them in that way or looked at her as anything but a lab partner and a blossoming friend.

Before he could answer, Mai called from the kitchen that the food was heated and ready. Tomoe dropped his hands from his head and put his best polite smile on, opening the door and walking out.

Souichi heard them make small talk while he stood rooted to the spot, confused. Was that how it looked from an outsider's perspective?

Tomoe took his leave right after dinner, catching a taxi to the airport. Once he was safely in the car, Souichi felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

 

**_I like Mai. Don't mess this up. Love you big brother xxx_ **

 

Other than the fact he felt slightly annoyed that his little brother thought he'd mess up a pretend relationship, he felt a little guilty for not correcting his assumption.

He thought about telling Mai but she had fallen asleep on the couch when he'd returned inside. He sighed, covering her up with one of the spare blankets and going to his own room.

Suddenly, a lot of other things made sense. Why Mai's several infatuated admirers had stopped bothering her. Why women ceased to try to flirt with him. He wondered if that's what Mai thought their friendship was headed towards. She was quite affectionate with him but he hadn't thought anything of it. These days he craved any sort of touch.

He was nervous. He didn't think of her like that. He couldn't imagine being with her or...with anyone really. Anyone _else_.

So he told her the next day, halfway through the morning when their work was at it's busiest.

As he spoke, everything came tumbling out. What Tomoe thought, what most people probably thought when they looked at them. That he wished they could remain friends. That he hoped she didn't quit.

When he finished, Mai fixed him with a bemused gaze. “We could though.” She said finally.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Could, what?”

“We could pretend. I mean, guys aren't bothering me anymore. It's a relief not to have to look over my shoulder all the time. And it wouldn't really change anything. If that's what people think now when we're just acting like friends, we wouldn't have to do anything different than we already are.”

She paused, looking at Souichi's reaction. He felt unsure and wrong-footed and almost guilty. But he shouldn't feel badly right? He was helping out a friend. That's all. Why did he feel like he was being a hypocrite?

“I...suppose.” He said. She smiled at him, putting a hand over his. It was warm and comforting but he felt nothing more than affection for a friend.

“You can let me know if you want to stop whenever. I just think it'll be good. For both of us.” She said, rubbing his hand a few times before retracting her arm and going back to her work.

And she was right. Nothing changed. They acted as they always did with maybe a few extra touches here and there.

Tomoe had blabbed to the rest of their family, of course, to which Kanako was absolutely livid that she hadn't known first. He supposed he should at least tell his family that it was a ruse. But they all seemed so happy that he was happy that he couldn't break their hearts all over again. They'd spent enough time worrying about him after Tetsuhiro's departure.

 

* * *

 

On August 3rd, one year since Tetsuhiro had left, he got drunk.

He honestly hadn't intended to but it was his first drink since his self-imposed sobriety and it didn't take long for his body to remember how good it felt to forget.

He shouldn't have been drinking alone, he knows that, but being surrounded by idiots in a bar just wasn't appealing to him.

He watched the television for as long as it can hold his attention before retrieving his phone from the bedroom. He had put it there for a reason and now he was breaking the silent promise he'd made earlier that evening.

But the urge was too much and he dropped to a sitting position at the end of the bed, thumbed through their last texts.

 

**_Please don't contact me anymore_ **

 

All at once, the hollow and painful year came back to him and he threw the empty bottle in his hand against the opposite wall. Watching it shatter wasn't as satisfying as he'd imagined.

Why was he like this? It had been a year and he felt the same as he had the night Tetsuhiro had left.

“Souichi? Are you here?” Mai called from the front door.

Souichi didn't bother answering, bringing his knees up and resting his head on them.

Soon enough, his bedroom door opened, light from the living room spilled onto the wood floor, and Mai called his name softly.

He felt her sit next to him, leaning slightly into his shoulder. Any other day, he would've been glad for the company but having her here, this sham of a relationship, felt wrong. Asking her to leave, however, felt even worse so he allowed it, leaning a little into in the contact.

“I didn't know you drank.”

Souichi snorted, wondering why that was her first question when he was practically a crumpled mess.

“Don't usually. Just today.”

“Do you want to forget today for some reason?”

Damn, she was perceptive. He waved a hand as if to erase her question and let his head loll forward, his hair covering his face.

“Not today today. August 3rd. August sucks, you know? It's like...a nothing month. Nothing happens. It's not summer. It's not autumn. It just...it sucks. I wish August never happened. I wish...” His words were slurring and he knew he wasn't making much sense but he felt miserable. Hollow.

“Isn't your birthday in August?” She asked after a few moments.

He nodded and the world tilted dangerously. “Yesterday.”

“What?! Souichi! We could have celebrated or something.”

“Don't want to celebrate it. Not without...” Souichi stopped, squeezing his eyes tightly together. Suddenly the room was too bright.

“Without who?”

“No one.”

“Souichi, is it the day you want to forget or a person?”

“Both.”

She went quiet for a little, as if she was contemplating what she wanted to say next. “Was it your old lab assistant?” He whipped his head as fast as he could towards her, his stomach and head protesting the move. How did she know that? She hadn't met him as far as he knew. “What was his name?”

“Tetsuhiro.” He said softly. He hadn't said his name out-loud in a long, long time.

“He was special to you?” She asked. Souichi let his head fall back onto his knees, becoming increasingly tired with every question. He wanted her to stop but he also...didn't. He hadn't actually talked about Tetsuhiro to anyone. “It's okay to miss someone who was special to you, Souichi. No one will think any less of you because of it. Where is he now?”

Frustration boiled in his chest and he felt his cheeks heat up with anger. “I don't fucking know. He wouldn't tell me. Why should he? Wasn't like we were...we were friends for 5 years or shared an apartment or...” He stopped, wiping at the offending tears that managed to collect in his eyes. “He calls his _other_ friends and calls his brother and Masaki probably but doesn't call _me_. I only know he's not dead because that bartender tells me he's fine. 5 years and he can't even...say goodbye. He just leaves... _leaves_ in the middle of the night without telling me and I can't do anything about it.”

Mai stayed quiet while he let the words tumble from him in a messy heap. He turned his face away, ashamed to be crying in her or anyone's presence. He shouldn't have had anything to drink. This was why he gave it up. He always ended up giving away more than he could handle.

“Did you have a fight? Is that why he won't contact you?”

Souichi bit his lower lip. He knew he'd regret it when he was sober in the morning and had a splitting headache but-- “I...said some things I shouldn't have. He ran out before I could...” Before he could what? Take them back? He always wondered what it would've been like if Tetsuhiro had returned. Would he have apologized?

 

_**I never once did it because I wanted to!** _

 

He had shouted the words though he wasn't sure if he meant them or if he just meant to hurt Tetsuhiro. He had been so angry. So angry that Tetsuhiro had kept something monumental from him and offering to pay for him like some housewife for the rest of his life.

When a comforting hand made it's way to his upper arm, he came to the bitter conclusion that he'd been completely in the wrong. If Tetsuhiro had come back, had let him explain, he'd have said that although he was reluctant at first, there was no way he would have continued the physical intimacy between them if he hadn't wanted to.

It only served to sadden him further, this train of thought. It meant that Tetsuhiro left for no good reason.

They were quiet for a time, the heaviness of the atmosphere made Souichi sleepy. He was closing his eyes for longer and longer periods when Mai spoke again, her voice for the first time nervous that night.

“Souichi can I...can I move in with you?”

He thought about that awful quietness that settled when he arrived home. How the television no longer provided a comforting, filling noise. The bills that had piled up or the way he barely ate as there was no one to pester him to eat.

“Sure.” He said and she rested her head on his shoulder in silent gratitude. He wasn't sure what was in it for her, as she already had a roommate and an apartment.

Whatever her reasoning was, he wasn't going to question it.

 

* * *

 

Isogai pestered him into meeting at a bar one Friday afternoon as he was in town on 'business'. He wasn't a hundred percent sure what Isogai even did and at this point he didn't really want to know. He just knew that once every few years he'd come to town and he'd torment Souichi at some interval during his stay. It was better to just meet with him and get it over with or he'd be scarier later on.

It was some nondescript place near his school and he recognized a few other students there. Unfortunately, he also recognized the frantic hand waving at a table near the back and he reluctantly made his way over to Isogai.

“Souichi, how long has it been?”

“Not long enough.” He grumbled and Isogai laughed in his annoyingly chipper way.

They ordered, Isogai wisely choosing not to comment about his ginger ale, and peppered Souichi with question after question and story after story.

It was almost nice the way it felt so familiar. Annoying, but familiar. He couldn't exactly be choosy these days in the company he kept.

His phone lit up halfway through a ridiculous story Isogai was telling and Mai's face illuminated the screen. He scrambled to hide it and decline the call but Isogai, as ever, was quick with his reflexes, and gleefully grabbed at his phone, leaning away from Souichi's hands.

“And who is this? She's gorgeous.”

“No one. Give it back.” Souichi lunged again but damn Isogai and his twisting arms.

Isogai raised a playful eyebrow at him and wiggled the phone, his thumb resting just above the accept button. “What if I answered it and told her that? Would she be mad?”

“She's a friend okay.” Souichi said through his teeth, his phone maddeningly just out of reach. “She's my lab partner.”

“' _Could you pick up paper towels on the way home?_ ' Yea, sounds like just a friend.”

“She's also my roommate.” Isogai looked a little surprised and Souichi took the opportunity to steal back the phone. He pocketed it, wondering why he agreed to come out here in the first place. “Asshole.”

“So a female Tetsuhiro, basically.”

And maybe it was true on the surface but hearing Tetsuhiro's name from someone else made it somehow feel more real than when he thought of him privately. He felt the fight go out of him and remained silent.

Isogai's playful smile dropped almost instantly and regarded Souichi with some mixture of worry and sympathy. “You still haven't spoken? It's been 3 years.”

Souichi scoffed. “I know that. Don't you think I fucking know that. That bastard doesn't--”

An awkward silence encompassed their table, the other patrons chatter folding in on them. Isogai sighed, looking uncharacteristically troubled.

“I could probably find out where he is. Do you want me to?”

Souichi bit back the urge to say yes. Yes he would want to know where he is. But at this point, Tetsuhiro probably wouldn't want to see him. He'd most likely moved on and that would tear him up more than not knowing anything. “What good would it do.”

“I don't know.”

It was the most somber he'd ever left a meeting with Isogai and he wondered how pathetic he must seem if that ridiculous man deemed to stop teasing him.

 

* * *

 

Mai's parents were assholes. Like seriously the _worst_. He wasn't sure how they had a daughter that was even halfway sane because holy shit.

They arrived like fucking royalty, uniformed men to open and close both their doors simultaneously in a car that he wasn't sure he wanted to know the price tag of. When they entered the apartment, a barely disguised look of disgust graced both their faces, they dropped their coats into Souichi's arms as they passed.

When he mentioned what he was thinking of cooking for dinner, they suggested they all go out for dinner instead. Their treat.

Seriously the worst.

It was at dinner when they asked the question. Luckily for Mai and Souichi, they'd already prepared.

“4 years. When are you two going to get engaged?” Her mother asked while daintily stabbing at a piece of asparagus.

At that, Mai raised her left hand, letting the twinkle of Souichi's mother's ring cascade across their plates.

There was a flurry of movement and noise, exclamations from her mother and father and congratulations from everyone including the wait staff.

Souichi's hearing went murmured and static filled his ear drums. He felt like an outsider watching them fall over themselves to fawn over the diamond adorning her finger.

They'd agreed it was for the best. That it would hopefully stop the questions and the snide comments about their 'relationship' from her parents. She insisted it wouldn't be for too long and then they could say it hadn't worked out. Even insisted on buying her own ring.

If Tomoe hadn't forced the their mother's ring on him earlier that year, he would have let her do just that.

Later that night, as he tugged at the uncomfortable tie from his neck, he heard Mai in her room speaking frantically, presumably to someone on the other end of the phone.

“...only for a little while. I promise.” Pause. “Please, babe. You know he's not like that. He's...well I'm not entirely sure but he's not interested in anything with me, I swear.” Pause. “Don't go angry. Babe, please. I'm sorry it's just...” Pause. “Naomi?” Pause. “Naomi?”

So that was her name, Naomi. Mai hadn't wanted to introduce them yet and now he knew why. This 'engagement' was already hurting people.

When Souichi heard her choke back tears, he decided to leave it be.

 

* * *

 

Souichi approached the building, neon purple lights bathing his feet as he kept his head tilted towards the ground. It was early still for a Friday night but there were a few people milling around the entrance, cigarette smoking curling upwards into the inky sky.

His eyes immediately scanned the bar, looking for Hiroto as he did every year. When he saw no shock of red hair, he buried his hands deep in his pocket and sighed, taking a seat at the counter.

“What'll it be?” It was the bartender from 5 years ago. The one who'd almost called security on him. Great.

“Just a seltzer water.” When the man raised an eyebrow he coughed. “Please.”

That seemed to do the trick and he retrieved a glass, beginning to pour.

Souichi continued glancing around, towards the restrooms, towards the back door that read 'Employees Only'.

“Looking for someone?” The bartender asked, placing the glass in front of him.

“The bartender Hiroto? Red hair.” He paused, unable to think of another identifiable quality to describe him with. “A man,”

“He quit a few months ago.”

Souichi slouched in his seat. “Oh”. Well, he couldn't stay a bartender forever, right? Still, a deep sense of disappointment welled in his chest, the all consuming kind he hadn't felt in almost a year. All he wanted was a status update. Just to know Tetsuhiro was still okay.

“He actually wanted me to give you something. Hold on.”

Souichi opened his mouth in confusion but the bartender had already slipped through to the back. When he returned, he slid a business card across the way to him, upside down.

“Wait what-” He started, but the bartender had already begun helping another customer.

He held the card between his fingers. He scrutinized the messy, smudged handwriting.

 

_Souichi,_

_I never agreed with him leaving like that. I think you deserve to know this at least._

_Hope you find what you're looking for!_

_Hiroto_

 

He flipped it over. His eyes widened and his stool creaked when he stood too quickly. He was sure the rest of the room was looking at him but he didn't care.

 

**Tetsuhiro Morinaga**

_Senior Pharmaceutical Research Executive_

Elixius Pharmaceutical's

Osaka, Japan

* * *

 

 

“Wait, Elixius Pharmaceutical's? Why does that sound so familiar?” Mai hummed, turning the business card back and forth in her hand.

Souichi shrugged, pacing up and down their small living room. “I don't know, who cares? What do I do about it?” He ran his hands anxiously through his hair. He'd returned from the bar, almost giving Mai a heart attack with how he tumbled through the door.

Mai sat silently on the couch, still seemingly lost in her own thoughts. He grew frustrated as the seconds ticked on.

“Mai!” He tried loudly, attempting to recapture her attention.

“Oh my god!” She exclaimed and hopped up, running towards her room.

“What are you doing?” He asked over the noise of rustling papers, knowing she was searching through her schoolbag. She peeked her head around the corner at last, a particularly smug look on her face and handed over a crumpled piece of paper. “What is this?” He said as it was placed in his waiting hands.

“They're putting together a team for a research project. A project that just so happens to be taking place at...”. She tapped her finger towards the bottom of the flier.

His eyes darted down the page and sure enough in, bright blue ink, read:

 

**Elixius Pharmaceutical's**

 

He stared down at the words, blinking to make sure he wasn't imagining anything. This was what he wanted for 5 years, had been waiting for. This was an opportunity to see Tetsuhiro again.

So why, as he read and reread the flier, did he feel hesitant in taking the leap?

“Well? What are you going to do?” Mai asked softly, looking up at him from her place at his shoulder.

What if Tetsuhiro didn't want to speak with him at all? What if seeing him brought back everything all at once and Souichi couldn't contain his emotions or his actions?

What if Tetsuhiro had moved on and didn't feel a damn bit different about meeting Souichi again?

“I...” He started, voice cracking slightly. “I don't know.”

“Hey, listen to me. Okay?” Mai stepped in front of him, taking his face in her hands. “You don't have to do anything you don't want to. If you think this will hurt more than doing nothing, then forget it. But...” She shrugged, mouth quirking upwards. “I have never seen you more excited for anything, ever." 

He batted at her hands, scoffing and crossing his arms. “I'm not excited.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

The paper crunched in his hands as his fingers tightened around it. If he didn't take this step, he'd regret it for the rest of his life, that he was sure of.

“The spots are probably already filled anyway.”

Mai bounced slightly in place, clapping her hands together. “I know the organizer. I can get you a spot.” Her smile widened. “What do you say?”

Souichi sighed. This was probably a mistake. A huge, monumental mistake. But--“Okay.”

Mai hugged him tightly, squeezing until he lightly pat her on the back. “Yea okay, okay.”

She released him a few seconds later and pulled out her phone. “I'm coming with you by the way.”

“You don't have to.” Souichi protested but he honestly could use with having at least one friend there.

She held up her left hand to his face and twisted it around. “Engaged? Besides, I want to see what happens.”

“Fake engaged. And you'll see nothing.”

“That's what you think.” She sauntered away, holding her phone up in the air as she made her way back into her bedroom. “Calling now!”

Once the door had fully closed, he allowed himself to slump into the couch. He couldn't believe it. After 5 years, he was finally going to meet Tetsuhiro again.

_Whether you like it or not_ , he mused.

Secretly, desperately, he hoped it was the former.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!!! Thank you (again) for your patience with this chapter! Apologies it isn't progression of the storyline but I felt it was important to see Souichi's side of it and his journey to this point. Please review! Seriously, I read them all the time and they make me really happy :) Hope everyone had a wonderful summer xxx

**Author's Note:**

> WOW it's been a long time! Missed you all so much!
> 
> I've always thought, what would happen if Mori ACTUALLY left? Angst, that's what would happen.  
> Let me know what you think in the comments below and if I should continue with this. 
> 
> Title inspired by the song, 'Cover Your Tracks' by A Boy and His Kite.


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